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My amateur review of Cyberpunk 2077 (PC version)

My take on Cyberpunk 2077.
I’m playing on a decently powerful PC ( i7 7700, GTX 1070 Ti, 1TB SSD, 32GB DDR4 RAM), and I only started after the game was patched to v1.04. Female V, Street Kid background, on Hard difficulty. I'm not particularly far into the game, as I've been busy with work and also just exploring. Maybe 25% or so done.
I’ve patched the PC version to 1.05. Glitches have been minor, non-gamebreaking graphical issues, mostly things just looking weird. Not common, and more amusing than distracting / infuriating. No crashes, one T-pose, some dumb A.I. stuf. I had one issue where Johnny kept repeating some line about a casino, but I found fast-traveling back to the casino lets the game flag the dialogue as complete and it goes away.
I also used to play the tabletop Cyberpunk 2020 tabletop RPG, so I’m quite familiar with the setting and the changes.
Things to know:
* Despite being based on a popular RPG, it’s more like Mass Effect or the Witcher III vs. Fallout or Skyrim. Your path is just more about if you’re going to respond as a noble anti-hero or an obnoxious dickhead. It’s more Paragon / Renegade responses to the same choice vs. making massive, world-changing decisions. Also, unless this happens later in the game, your background doesn't make a massive difference in the game. Going Nomad or Corpo or Streetkid just seems to change the prologue, give you a few unique dialogue options, and probably a few sidequests. Sort of like the FemShep background in Mass Effect. I was hoping it would be more like the original RPG, where a Corpo could request corporate assets, the Nomad could call in their family convoy, etc.
* The game earns its M-rating. Profanity, violence, gore, and heavily sexualized in-world advertisements that are HEAVILY focused on conventional heterosexual male gaze (Although someone pointed out to me that the Watson Whore ads actually feature a feminine male individual in thigh-high boots, and not a woman as I originally thought). I get it. It’s a dystopia where corporations exploit anything and everyone for profit, but sheesh. It’s 2077. Let’s extrapolate out how 57 years of progress would affect gender and sexuality and really blur the lines. I doubt a transwoman model would be shocking in 2077, even one that is visibly well hung.
You’d think 2077 would have cyborg models that resemble something out of the grotesque Maelstrom transhumanist gangers. I mean, I like porn, and seeing tits and dicks isn’t going to offend me. It’s just so widespread that it loses any shock or titillation value, and it’s too close to actual “sexy” ads that it isn’t an effective satire or parody of hyper-sexualized marketing. I did smirk at going into a Night City sex shop and seeing a display of a female mannequin pegging a male mannequin, so it’s not like I’m completely above cheap titillation.
Pros:
· Graphics are absolutely gorgeous
· Sound is great, as well as voice-acting. A certain mainstream actor sounds a bit flat, which isn’t uncommon for traditional actors doing voicework.
· World-building and storyline is engrossing.
· Some of the in-game humor is genuinely funny. Some of the relationships with your NPCs is genuinely touching.
· When the game’s missions really embrace the source material, it’s really cool. Like rescuing a rich woman from bio-scavengers stripping her for her high-end cybernetic parts like a Ferrari in a chop shop, and having to un-jam the interference chip that is keeping her internal alarm system from alerting a heavily armed Trauma Team, or corralling rogue A.I. taxi cabs.
· Music is nice and setting appropriate. The licensed music on the radios is great.
· Weapons are neat and have some cool sci-fi features not found in modern shooters. Armor is available in everything from bulky military vests to clubkid wear.
· Braindancing is genuinely cool.
- Some fanservice for Cyberpunk 2020 players, such as Jack Entropy, Morgan Blackhand, Rogue and Johnny Silverhand. There's even a flashback to the distant past of 2023.
- Once you get the rhythm down with weapons, mods, cybernetics, and combining hacking, tech, and firepower and you start ripping through entire gangs like a true street samurai, it is a fucking rush. Scouting, marking targets, disabling security cameras, then stunning the Alpha Dawg with a hack of his cyberware or nervous system, wounding them all with a frag grenade, charging in with a poly-diamond-carbide katana, then retreating to patch yourself up and popping a few guys through cover with a Tech Rifle before finishing off the last guys with a Smart Shotgun feels AMAZING.
Cons:
· Driving is a bit wonky at first, due to the fact you’re using the A/D keys for left/right, vs. an analog control stick. Seems easier on a motorcycle.
· Combat is a bit annoying at the beginning, as enemies are Borderlands-style bullet-sponges. The original RPG’s Friday Night Firefight combat system emphasized that people don’t magically become more resistant to bullets with experience (outside of armor or implants), and a single, well-placed bullet can drop a rookie Netrunner just as easily as a veteran Solo.
· The breaching mini-game is rather repetitive. I finally figured out the Vertical-Horizontal-Vertical pattern.
· Some of the in-game tutorials or level requirements are unclear or misleading. Like how to disrupt an enemy Netrunner trying to overheat your cybernetics, or what the actual patterns are for the hacking mini-game, although you should have enough time to trial & error a solution. It’s far too easy to stumble into a random encounter or sidequest that you are massively underpowered for (such as the bare-knuckle brawling). It’s even weirder since Witcher 3 did an excellent job of preventing this.
TIPS:
· Upgrade your Cyberdeck as soon as possible, preferably with a Blue or Purple Grade one. This really ups your hacking prowess.
· Sell anything white, and break down anything Green or above.
- There's an Intelligence perk that highlights hostile Netrunners in Amber instead of Red like every other enemy mook. Very, very handy.
- Some of the Power sniper rifles will still penetrate cover, even if they're not a Tech rifle. The slow rate-of-fire, but heavy single shot SPT32 will punch through cover. Very handy for taking out mooks you've marked. There's a Blue crafting recipe, and it's still pretty devastating.
· Mix up your skills. You can’t raise a sub-skill above an attribute, so if you have Reflexes at 7, and Handguns at 7, using a pistol won’t raise your handgun skill to 8 until you boost Reflexes to 8. So switch to a shotgun or melee weapon.
· It doesn’t seem like your character is affected by Cyberpsychosis. In the original RPG, to prevent everyone from going to a full Robocop / Adam Smasher total body conversion, the more hardware you added, the more humanity you lost. Go nuts at the Ripperdoc!
· Melee weapons are surprisingly effective in the 2070s. I avoided them, then tried them out of curiosity when I got an Iconic katana. I didn’t expect to run through a squad of Maelstrom creeps like a Cuisinart with severed limbs flying. MILD SPOILER: There’s a Maelstrom cyborg who is one of the Cyber-Psychos. She’ll close in and slice you to ribbons if you try to shoot her. Duel her, and parry her Mantis blades.
· Don’t forget your grenades! Using grenades helps boost your Engineering skils.
· If you get too many health kits or grenades, you can break them down.
· After hacking a security camera, you can manually reach up to it and permanently switch it off. This prevents it from being turned back on, AND boosts your Engineering skills.
· Hiding bodies in dumpsters, crates, car trunks gives you Stealth XP.
· I’m still searching for a good way to boost Athletics besides running and climbing everywhere. I believe parrying melee attacks with a katana boosts this.
· You can drag someone to a body dump site with your initial chokehold, then kill them and stash their body with one button press once you’ve dragged them to a body dump site.
submitted by Lady_von_Stinkbeaver to GirlGamers [link] [comments]

Ever wanted to buy a stock before it's a rocket or 10 bagger? SBW got you covered.

Hello, you may know me from DD posts about IVZ and 3DP. I'm still heavily in these. But today I bring you SBW.
Ok for real, this might be the laziest DD you've read because it was copy pasted direct from hotcopper. But it will also be the best DD you've read (no offence to u/bigjimbeef recent DD on this but he's always drunk and while his DD did get me interested in this, I think maybe some people didn't take his post seriously because the post read like he had a beer in one hand and his dick in the other).
But I've been thinking lately... wouldn't it be nice if I could, for once, jump on a stock, before it rockets? Like... Every stock I've been in so far has holders who are already 10 bagging. How do they find these stocks and how can I become one of them?
Well, here is your chance. Full disclosure, I'm in at 26.5c, closing price today is 24.5c. It IPOd at 35c so we are still at bargain prices. No rocket yet. If you can think of a reason not to buy, please say so, before I take a larger position tmw morning, as I am trying to keep myself from getting overly keen on yet another stock but so far I can't find a good reason to put money anywhere else.
Copy pasta below:
I thought it was about time that I made the “Ultimate Guide to SBW” and consolidated months of research and analysis into one comprehensive post. Then we can add bits to it from there as more positive news develops.
Let us start with capital structure.
Capital Structure and Why This Is Important!
There are currently 139 million shares on issue, sitting at a price of 32 cents.
This gives a Market Capitalization of approximately ~45 million AUD.
Keep this in mind when we discuss partners and peers later - it’s arguably a more important metric than share price.
The Top 20 shareholders of SBW (which includes key management as the Top 2 holders) have about 90% of the stock on issue. The interests of management are well-aligned with shareholders.
What does this mean in plain English? It means management are extremely incentivized to perform, and are not just idly sitting by collecting an easy paycheck like so many other ASX companies. They have as much at stake as you do! Probably more.
The Core Business
The core business is a profitable operation which has been selling weighing systems to both retail and healthcare sectors – with reliable recurring revenue from customers including, but not limited to, household names like Toshiba and Fujitsu.
SBW have a combination of weighing + artificial intelligence + advanced mathematics which cannot be easily duplicated. The company was first founded in 1971 and was one of the first to shift from mechanical to digital weighing and ultra-thin IoT load sensors.
If you are interested in reading up on some of their patents, please see this link:
https://patents.justia.com/search?q=Shekel scales
I found 11 separate patents here, which are probably not an exhaustive list, but ranging from weighing vehicles in motion, to load cell devices (this is the flagship technology), point of sale apparatus and infant weight systems (for their medical customers)
SBW's three main technology pillars, including patented ultra-thin high precision load sensors, can distinguish between Coke, Fanta & Pepsi - even if they are all in 1.5 litre bottles!
The Hitachi Project (Hitachi’s Market Cap = roughly ~33 billion USD at time of writing, SBW = ~45 million AUD)
http://hlds.co.jp/product-eng/1079
[Translated from Japanese] Hitachi-LG Data Storage. Inc. exhibited in “NRF 2020 Retail’s Big Show” which took place at Jacob K. Javits Convention Center in New York from 1/12-1/14/2020, where Unmanned Store solution using 3D LiDAR(TOF) was jointly exhibited with Hitachi America, Hitachi Vantara, and Shekel Brainweigh (Israel).
Some quotes I found from Hitachi themselves
“Micro-markets are the fastest growing segment of convenience shopping. We see them exploding in high traffic areas, such as workplaces, campuses, train stations and airports,” said Hideki Hayashi, Sales and Marketing Manager, Hitachi EU Ltd.
“Deploying the joint Shekel-Hitachi solution enables retailers and micro-market operators to provide the 24/7 frictionless shopping experience consumers demand without sacrificing accuracy, performance or profitability.”
“As the manager responsible for LiDAR products in EMEA markets, I consider the R&D and commercial collaboration with Shekel Brainweigh to be the perfect partnership as we both bring our respective capabilities to develop a seamless consumer shopping experience. We are extremely pleased to collaborate with Shekel Brainweigh, which we believe is the best digital weighing technology developer globally."
“The collaboration builds on our expertise in optical motion sensors, together with Shekel’s advanced Product Aware Technology, and further strengthens our commitment to overcome the challenges, and address the significant opportunities, in global retail store automation.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-uxk2Ycoqw
The Open Retail Initiative
https://www.lfedge.org/2020/02/13/n...ensor-fusion-for-intelligent-loss-prevention/
For the one-year anniversary of ORI, six initiative members Edgify, Flooid, Shekel and LF Edge members HP, IOTech and Intel inspired by the initiative, worked together on a demo for the Intel booth that showcased the value of Real Time Sensor Fusion for a loss prevention use case at self-checkout. The retail environment has become incredibly complex. The latest technologies enable data-driven experiences and unlock business value like never before, yet there is still a lack of interoperability making it difficult for retailers to deploy integrated solutions with speed and ease. The demo illustrates how integration roadblocks can be a thing of the past.
The demo pulls together real time data through the EdgeX middleware from different common systems including POS real-time transaction log, CV-based object detection, scale solution, and RFID, and data fusion—all in a single pane of glass.
Here are some PowerPoint slides of IBM, Intel & Hewlett-Packard talking about the joint solution
https://wiki.edgexfoundry.org/downl...amp;modificationDate=1579904283000&api=v2
The Fast Track Project
https://www.edgify.ai/retail/
Reduce time at till and selection at self-checkout by up to 98%. Computer vision-based product recognition, that continuously learns directly on the till, so the accuracy of the detection always increases.
Friction-less stores are great in theory but extremely complicated to scale in practice. Our edge training solution makes autonomous stores scalable, by having all the AI train directly on the camera. No infrastructure costs and no added complications.
Reduce incorrect selections by up to 90%. Either intentional or unintentional, use computer vision that is trained directly on the SCO itself to reduce loss by more than half!
No barcodes, no packaging, no worries. Simple USB cameras can detect the produce at close to 100% accuracy. Use as a decision support for cashiers, or to avoid consumers having to go through long and confusing menus.
https://www.edgify.ai/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Retail_Intro.pdf
https://twitter.com/Edgify_AI/status/1277859718413930505
https://twitter.com/Edgify_AI/status/1230534216133332997
Shekel’s Visual Recognition Platform embedded with Edgify’s machine-learning training framework is the world’s first cloudless software that automatically recognises products, including fresh produce, at a retail self-checkout.
This ~45 million AUD Market Cap company allows retailers to potentially bypass expensive cloud services from Microsoft, Google and Amazon.
Sending data to the cloud is a very costly process with the Google Cloud Platform charging 1,000 stores more than US$7.2 million in cloud computing power per annum.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrpZ56IdFtg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpqwqQ1tJ4A
You can see the Shekel system 35 seconds in.
Patnership with Madix (2nd Largest Retail Shelves Manufacturer in NA)
https://www.bloomberg.com/press-rel...ade-product-aware-cabinets-to-retail-industry
NEW YORK -- January 13, 2020
Madix Inc., the second largest retail shelves manufacturer in North America, and Shekel Brainweigh Ltd. (ASX: SBW), the leader in advanced weighing technology, today announced the availability of ready-made Product Aware shelves and solutions for the retail industry.
“By seamlessly integrating Product Aware shelves into our hardware, our customers are armed with accessible data giving them reliable inventory visibility and assisting them in addressing over-stock and out-of-stock problems, as well as better control over shrinkage” said Steve Kramer, VP Sales, Madix.
“For the retail industry, this is a defined competitive edge that promotes the opportunity to increase profitability.”
Conclusion
So, remember - the core scales business is what drives the revenue we see today, but the innovation division is where the real potential resides. That will take a few more months/years to play out. I think most people are buying for the fully autonomous frictionless retail technology which comes with a huge addressable market. That’s still being undervalued in my humble opinion.
Considering there are quite a few ASX-listed tech companies with no revenue and over 100 million market cap (some even @ 1 billion market cap right now…
I don’t see why SBW couldn’t move past ~45m market cap in the near future.
Now if you read all this - links included- I commend you for your diligence. It should be obvious now that the Capsule (in partnership with Hitachi) is the “crown jewel” or “holy grail” of retail disruption technology plays (look at the success of Amazon GO for example).
So you are probably thinking: "This sounds great @verce but it’s all just aspirational and hypothetical. When will it be put into operation?" Well I’m glad you asked. The answer might surprise you. And it may be sooner than you think.
The SBW Half Year Report from 31 August 2020 had a little snippet that I think a lot of people missed. Specifically, the following text:
“Flagship micro-market project Capsule is in an advanced stage of pilot in Europe, and expected to be open to the public for trial in the second half of 2020.”
Now you are probably wondering: "That’s great but what if it’s just some obscure insignificant corner store somewhere?" Again, the answer may surprise you, and requires a little digging.
Enter Groupe Casino. A historic player in French retailing since 1898, the Casino Group is one of the world leaders in food retailing with more than 12,200 stores worldwide, located in France, Latin America and the Indian Ocean and a turnover of 37.8 billion euro.
In their Annual Report this year, they mentioned an exciting new disruptive project they were working on with a relatively obscure company.
https://www.groupe-casino.fwp-content/uploads/2020/06/RapportActivite_Casino_2019_EN.pdf
And we have some commentary from SBW featured on Page 42-43 of their Annual Report plugging "the first fully autonomous store in Europe". I'll leave it to readers to determine the significance of being mentioned in the Annual Report of a leading mass-market retail group with billions of Euro in revenue.
The same group who claim to be the source of many innovations such as the first distributor's brand in 1901, the first self-service store in 1948 or even the display of a sell-by date on consumer products in 1959. They are always pushing the boundaries of innovation, and it's an exciting partner to have.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that issuing shares are not the only mechanism by which to raise money. And that a placement at a premium to a sophisticated cornerstone investor can yield great results. Kind of like what happened with 3DP and IHR.
If I was them, I’d be asking Hitachi to chip in.
SBW also have the luxury of generating enough revenue (we are talking USD millions) in 2H20 from the core scales division, that a capital raising may not actually be necessary at this point in time. So they can wait for a better outcome.
Source: “Post 30 June 2020, the business has seen a resurgence of orders for Shekel’s products, resulting in July 2020 sales exceeding July 2019 sales by approximately 18%.”
The final thing I would like to add (if you have in fact read my other two posts which are worth reading) is coming to an appropriate valuation. This is the tricky part, especially with microcap stocks which are valued on their future potential.
We do know that there are medium to high barriers to entry, and that SBW have accumulated a competitive edge with their technology iterated over several decades, with certain patents in place.
We also know that the opportunity is global in scope with a huge total addressable market (TAM) - and that traditional retail is ripe for disruption.
Remember when there were more human checkout lanes at supermarkets than self-checkout? Now it's the other way around. We are even starting to see self-checkout in Bunnings. The trend for autonomous and friction-less shopping - what some term "Grab & Go" - was inevitable. And coronavirus has only accelerated this trend.
https://www.ibtimes.com/5-tech-tren...-end-year-result-coronavirus-pandemic-3011819
5 Tech Trends Expected To Shape Retail Through The End Of The Year As Result Of The Coronavirus Pandemic
“Retailers and brands will need to collaborate more than ever with technology startups to futureproof their businesses and be better equipped to meet fast-changing consumer demand and behavior,” Coresight said.
Coresight reported the pandemic has piqued consumer interest in cashierless models.
Technology firm Shekel Brainweigh said 87% of respondents to its global consumer survey indicated they would choose stores with self-checkout over those with only cashier lines.
So if you ask me, when you consider all the different technology projects SBW are working on - most of which we now know are "close to commercialisation*" - is 45m AUD market cap really fair value for something that has the potential to roll out globally? I personally think it is still undervalued, but the market will eventually decide one way or the other.
Even at 70 cents per share, the implied market cap with only 139 million shares on issue is about ~97 million AUD. Which is still less than 100m. And still quite low when you compare SBW's proven technology and revenue to a lot of unproven technology companies with no real customers whatsoever. And extremely low when you compare SBW's market cap to their collaborative partner Hitachi (ranked 38th in the 2012 Fortune Global 500).
Even at 32 cents as it currently stands, we are still below the IPO price when SBW first listed at 35 cents per share. How does that make any sense?
submitted by ricklepicklemydickle to ASX_Bets [link] [comments]

Plans for the future?

SimCasino is in early access. I was curious if the devs have any kind of a road map for features they plan to add in to the game.
But in the meantime, here are some ideas I'd love to see implemented one way or another...

submitted by nhgrif to SimCasino [link] [comments]

Your Pre Market Brief for 07/24/2020

Pre Market Brief for Friday July 24th 2020

You can subscribe to the daily 4:00 AM Pre Market Brief on The Twitter Link Here . Alerts in the tweets will direct you to the daily 4:00 AM Pre Market Brief in this sub.
Morning Research and Trading Prep Tool Kit
The Ultimate Quick Resource For the Amateur Trader.
Updated as of 3:30 AM EST
-----------------------------------------------
Stock Futures:
Thursday 07/23/2020 News and Markets Recap:
Friday July 24th 2020 Economic Calendar (All times are Eastern)
(Home Sales and Oil Rig Count Today)
News Heading into Friday July 24th 2020
NOTE: PLEASE DO NOT YOLO THE VARIOUS TICKERS WITHOUT DOING RESEARCH. THE TIME STAMPS ON THE FOLLOWING ARTICLES MAY BE LATER THAN OTHERS ON THE WEB. THE CREATOR OF THIS THREAD COMPILED THE FOLLOWING IN A QUICK MANNER AND DOES NOT ATTEST TO THE VERACITY OF THE INFORMATION BELOW. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR VETTING YOUR OWN SOURCES AND DOING YOUR OWN DD.
COVID-19 Stats and News:
Macro Considerations:
Most Recent SEC Filings
Other
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Morning Research and Trading Prep Tool Kit
Other Useful Resources:
The Ultimate Quick Resource For the Amateur Trader.
Subscribe to This Brief and the daily 4:00 AM Pre Market Brief on The Twitter Link Here . Alerts in the tweets will direct you to the daily brief in this sub
It is up to you to judge the accuracy and veracity of these headlines before trading.
submitted by Cicero1982 to pennystocks [link] [comments]

All of Bolsonaro's Men - An Explanation on how Brazil's Current Politics and why a Cabinet Meeting is now on Youtube (Part 2)

This is part 2 out of 3 explaining Brazil's current political crisis. This section is the first portion of Bolsonaro's April 22nd cabinet meeting.
This meeting was one of the last meetings attended by Sérgio Moro. This was a full cabinet meeting, held April 22nd in the Presidential Palace. I will first highlight some key things said, and then make a small analysis of what this means. Translation is mine. I have abridged a few transcriptions. Bolsonaro is fully translated, but the ministers are not, as some of the topics held in the meeting are not directly related to the current investigation.
The first topic of the meeting was the creation of a recovery plan, the Pró-Brasil. First minister to talk is Paulo Guedes.
"The government is broke! In all levels. Cities, governors, and the federal government. What did we do? We signalled the opposite. We deleveraged public banks, reduced debts, lowered interest rates, and Brazil was about to recover. So if we launch a public investment process is the same talking point as always, "reduce regional inequality" Paulo Guedes follows the Chicago school of economic thought, and has supported reductions in Brazilian government spending as much as possible, being one of the forces behind Brazil's new pension plan. "It looks good on paper, but it's the same thing Lula and Dilma had been doing. If we want to end like them, we do this". This is followed by some more detailed breakdowns of government investments, and Guedes defending how the government can't spend to leave the Corona recession, but it also has to help the previous economy recover.
Jair Bolsonaro then criticizes the media, and how they twist his words to make his aides disagree and fight. Mainstream media criticism has been a key point of Bolsonaro's government.
Onyx Lorenzoni, Bolsonaro's chief of staff adds that they received 36 government projects that were mid construction and halted under Dilma's PAC, an infrastructure growth program under Dilma and Lula that supported additional government spending to trigger economic growth. This additional spending is considered to be one of the factors that resulted in the 2014 recession. Lorenzoni adds some more comments on how the government has been looking for foreign investment lately. "We are having to deal with something very serious, which is a disease, which has been brought to history because it serves the interest of many which I won't be mentioning here".
Ricardo Salles (Minister of the Environment) "We have the unique possibility right now that the media is focused almost exclusively on COVID [...] So for this there has to be a group effort while we have a tranquility in media coverage, as they only talk about Covid, and pass the entire cattle changing the rulings and simplifying regulations. Of the IPHAN (National Heritage), of the Agricultural Ministry, of the Environmental Ministry. Now is the time to unite efforts to get a quick move and simplify regulations in all aspects."
Bolsonaro soon after follows up (emphasis mine): "The disaster that's coming up, I think Guedes is being nice, huh Guedes? I'm no economist. It's going to be hit bigger than even you can only imagine. It's not only the informals. I think we already hit ten million jobs, all gone. And the state governments don't have how to pay salary for the guys. May, half of the states don't ha.. won't be able to pay salaries again. The disaster is there. They will try to push this shit onto us, these people right next to us will try to push it, and we will react because it's not an infinite bag. Ok? So this worry we will need to have. At the same time there's the BAR association, annoying the Supreme Court to open my impeachment because I didn't present my virus exam, all this bullshit, which everybody has to be paying attention.
It's not only taking care of your ministry in these questions we are talking about, it's talking about the political issues also. All right? So ... this is what we should be worried about, as the fight for power continues. At full steam. No neurosis by my side, ok? The field is fertile for a ... some pieces of shit to show up, huh? Raising the flag of ... of ... of the people by my side, it costs nothing. And the fertile terrain is this, unemployment, chaos, misery, social disorder and other things. This is the worry, all should have it, huh? None of this "all good?", the ministry earns money, "shit happened?", on the president's lap. It can't be like that. Today I saw Magno Malta defending me. Magno Malta, I'm sorry, was treated a long time ago to be the vice president. Later he decided not to be, all right. Later he got contact to be minister, all right.
Não politically he never attacked me, and always is defending with the problems he has. So he is not the minister to open his chest, challenge, enter the lions' lair, but he can't, huh? For example, when we talk about a possible impeachment, action in the Supreme Court, based on watermarks, I'll go in any part of national territory and that's it! The day it's prohibited to go ... anywhere of Brasil, by the Supreme Court, there goes the term. I hope they don't decide, or he, right? Monocratically, wanting to take certain measures because from there we will have a ... a true political crisis. And I won't keep my tail between my legs. That's it ... zero, zero, all right? Because if I'm wrong, they ever find a connection of mine with a construction company, Swiss bank account, I'll take the beating with no issue. It goes to impeachment, it leaves. Now with bullshit, no!
On top of what I said, in front of the Apache Fort. I am the Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces. Full stop. The people were there, I went there. Army day. And said something I don't think is a big deal. The repercussion is huge. "Look, the AI-5" (the AI-5 was a decree by the military government that closed the Congress in 1968) Where's the AI-5? En ... nded (sic) with the ... the AI-5 doesn't exis (sic) ... there is no more institutional act in Brasil anymore. Some bullshit. Article one, four, two. It's people who can't interpret the Constitution. Now over that make a wave? "Let's listen to Congressmen, businessmen", whatever it is. Now when Congress does there a tribute to Che Guevara, Mao Zedong, and whatever, it's not a problem. When the Communist Party does a convention and praises Fidel, between others, it's no big issue. When a poor person raises an AI-5 sign, that I don't give a shit, because there isn't ... there isn't AI-5. There isn't. Article one, four, two: we want to follow articles one, four, two, everybody wants to follow articles one, four, two. (The article 142 of the Brazilian Constitution establishes the military for national defense)
And given necessity, all the powers, can, right? Ask the armed forces to intervene to reestablish order in Brazil, that place with no issues. Now all of them, huh? You need to worry with the political issue, and of who's right, take your head out of the whole, fuck! It's not just staying inside the whole all the time, no! "All right, I'm taking care of my image, the image is here, I am looking good, and fuck the rest" No! You have to do your part. So this is what I try, I hav ... ha ... have to talk to you, as after a certain momento, where it gets to th ... the ... the ... mind of these people, it's hard to go back, then they want a crisis, it's a crisis. I have no love for this ... for this ... for this term the ... for ... for ... the President's chair. Ne ne ... zero, zero! I'm not provoking nobody. This is how the defense makes a good defense note saying it will follow the constitution, liberty, and co ... ten! And it won't take an attack, ten! Won't take a defensive move from the guys, fuck!
You're going to have some crazy guys, they know who they are, they will be in the fervor of "Oh, oh the president is irresponsible, he is crazy, he commits genocide". It's not like that. Don't go ... what works for one side works for the other, what doesn't work for one side, doesn't work for the other. This is what we should be worried about. With what we have here, the Pró-Brasil, but also with the political question. If we start talking with confidence, and there's pe ... lots of people who speak better than me, and know more than me, have the talk, fuck! Discreetly, but they have to talk, not to let the temperature rise, as it's only punches all the time up on me. And continue going anywhere of Brasil and full stop, that's my problem. All right? If I don't have the right to come and go. Mayor from the end of the world, a jaguapoca (dog with no breed) of a mayor says to arrest. The Justice has to position ... to position itself about this, fuck! Has to position itself, openly! We don't admit arrests from mayor, it's the decree!
You have to talk, not stay in silence. And who is right here, all the ministers have to say this, not only Justice. All have to say. Not staying, leaving the BO (police report) ... sail on isn't it ... and we'll go ahead. Ok? This is all I ask you, fuck. This worry. Wake up to politics and expose yourselves, after all, the government is only one. And if I fall, everybody does. Now come on ... if I have to fall one day, we'll fall fighting, a fair fight. Not for some bullshit of ... of ... of exam of ... antivirus, fuck. For the love of God, fuck. Ok? Even I ... to leave this clear, from some eight years from now, when I asked for specialized pharmacies any medicine I asked the doctor "Use a fake name", because if my name goes there, as it was, always was a known guys, isn't it, there are three four that are going to make the medicine, they can poison me, fuck! It's the same thing with the virus question, among others. According to interest, the guy either tests negative or positive. After it gives a result, it goes to the countertest, but gives a problem.
And we know, all right? That we have a compromise with the truth. I'd never lie if I didn't really have a negative test. I'd never lie that my negative was positive or vice-versa. Never. The truth above all. So it's an appeal I make to all, to worry about politics, so you are not surprise. I'm not going to wait until the boat starts sinking to take away the water. I'm taking away the water, and will continue taking water from all ministries if it's required. The person has to understand. If you don't want to understand, ok then, fuck! I have the power, and will interfere in all ministries, no exceptions. With the bank I speak with Paulo Guedes, if I have to interfere. Never had a problem with him, zero problems with Paulo Guedes. Now the rest of you, I will! I can't be surprised by news. Fuck, I have the Federal Police that doesn't give me information.
I have the intelligence of the Armed Forces that I don't have the informations. ABIN has problems, I have some informations. I don't have more because it's missing, really, we have problems, fuck! Equipment, etc. But we can't live without information. Without info ... co ... who never stayed behind of ... of ... of ... of ... of ... of ... of ... of the door listening what your son or daughter is ... talking about. You need to check and ... later she's pregnant, no using talking to her anymore. Need to check before ... after the kid filled his brains with ... with drugs, there's no use talking with him, that's it. Information is like that. I was watching studying on the weekend here how is the Chinese service, secret, works in the US. What's our worry here? [Redacted] It's simple, "Ah, just don't talk publicly". Who should I speak about it? Everybody sees what's happening. [Redacted] All right, ok? [Redacted] You get from the [redacted] fuck, of [redacted] you don't get.
It's a reality. No need to hide more, cover the sun with a sieve, right? There's, isn't it ... then go ... in some ministries there's their people, inside here, right? So we don't want to fight with [redacted], zero fights with [redacted] (note: the female article here strongly implies China). Do we need them to sell? Yes. They also need us. Because if they didn't they wouldn't be buying our soy. They need it. It's a business, fuck. And we need to ally with who has ... some affinity with us. So we can do ... make worth our will at the moment. No need to hide here, then after there's a problem, you call your uncle, "the Uncle". I'll say "Fuck man, you ignored me all the way to today!". You didn't only call me an imperialist, like the "esquerdalha" (a pejorative term for the left wing) and FHC (Fernando Henrique Cardoso, former president) used to say in the past, the rest ... now there's nowhere to go. So this is the worry we need to have. The strategic question, which we aren't having. And I'm sorry, our information service, all, it's a ... they are a shame, a shame! I'm not informed!
You can't work like this, it gets hard. That's why, I'll interfere! Full stop, fuck! Not a threat, not a ... an extrapolation by my part. It's a truth. Like I said, right? Gave you sirs the ministries. The veto power. It all changed. It has to changed, fuck. And I want, it's really, it's govern Brazil. It's not the problem of all of the ones here, as Marinho said, right? It's the same boat, the same boat. If anybody digs the fu ... digs the basement here, we will, we will all go into the bag, we will all drown. So this ... this is what we need, think ahead of what to do internally here. When INMETRO (certification agency) I talked to Paulo Guedes. A, sorry for the language, a whorehouse! INMETRO is a whorehoue! Switching tachographs, taximeters, putting chips on the fuel pumps, a whorehouse! Just like the three pin plug. It's very good there now. The media beat the shit. "Ah, put in a colonel". Colonel is formed by IME (Military Institute of Technology). Wouldn't put in a colonel without a ... without a degree, ok?
[...] The question of the armament, right? The questions of ... but why? Wait there! Minister of Justi ... Mr. Minister of Justice, please. It was decided some time ago you couldn't handcuff almost nobody. Why are they handcuffing the working citizen, the woman in a park, and the Justice does nothing?
You have the speak, fuck! How long will you be quiet? Or do I have to continue exposing myself? You have to speak, get out, pressure them! Can't handcuff, decision of the Supreme Court. And we will stay quiet until when? Keep humiliating our people, why? This is growing. People kep pointing at me, "voted for you to do something!", "voted on you because you have to take decision, for you to fight!". And it's true. I don't give a shit about the reelection. What I want the most is some gets re ... someone is elected, if I'm coming as a candidate, ok? So I can bring ... I want to have peace in Brazil, nothing else. Because if its the left, me and a bunch of you will have to leave the country because you will be arrested. I am sure they will arrest me for homophobia, eight years for homophobia. Then they make up some racism, like they did for (Abraham) Weintraub. Sorry, sorry for the ... the rant: puta que o pariu (literally translates to the bitch that birthed you, basically the strongest swear words)! Weintraub could've said the biggest shit in the world, but racist? We'll have to react people, it's another fight.
We need to be a government with ... with activity. Expose yourselves, show that we have the people on our side. That we follow the people. What we really want, as it's said, if I'm not mistaken, Thatcher, right? Or Reagan, I'm not sure? So we ... it has to be conducted by the Brazilian public, and that's it. Where the people is, we'll be together. I didn't invite anybody to go to the front if the ... the ... the Apache Fort, nobody, zero! I was in my sons house, found out: "Go there!" The media is now talking that, I don't know, that two military ministers didn't accept my invitation. The day that ... either I invite the minister to a barbecue at my house or I'll pay a mission!
Bolsonaro is interrupted, but then resumes speaking
Ok? I don't know, ok? Or I'll pay a mission. If the mission is absurd, the minister says "hey, goodbye, I'm out," all right? Or he goes and gets pissed, but go, fuck! And I'll never pay a shit mission for whoever it is, not even in the military base I would do that to a recruit, not even in the military base, all right? Not even imagining our relationship here which is very good, it's ... going towards that line.
We're not panicking, we are fine. We are not accused of swindling money, of corruption, nothing. In th ... nothing, all clear! We have problems up ahead. We'll try to solve it, like I have talked to various ministers. And we'll solve it because the future of Brazil is at the hand of this privileged group here. And I would be nothing without you. You wouldn't be ministers without ... without me ... I doubt it! Hardly anybody would be minister if there was a Haddad here. I doubt it! Could accept for a few days, right? Later see the bullshit it would be, wouldn't be any different than the two previous year of PT, right? Would ask to leave. So an appeal to you, everybody worry about the future of Brazil, with the political question, criticise an act of a person or another isn't ... it's not to criticise the Supreme Court. It's ... it's a ... who doesn't stay ... who doesn't stay became revo .... saw Moro become revolted ... with the liberty these people have. Because of a ... a ... a virus, they let rapists go free.
Imagine if they were raping a daughter of our, a son of a bitch like this be set free. Now we have to put ourselves in those person's shows, of the father who had the daughter raped, and the ... the fucker was set free. With a decision, fuck whoever it is, have to go hard on top ... hard on top of that. It's not rant, folks. It's a reality. Our boat is leaving, but we don't know yet, at the moment given the last case, thi... virus, where our boat is going. Can be heading towards an iceberg. We'll go down. So let's pay attention, let's worry. Who can do it right, make yourself present, with good language, alright? But have a position! Because everything can't, everything, come for my ass, all right? You have to get beaten together with me, logically when there's a reason to get beaten or a reason to fight.
Braga Netto explains the following speakers, and Sérgio Moro speaks
Moro: No, it's ... well ... first the question of the plan that was there presented, make my compliments registered. Certainly it has details that have to be filled in, there are the economic questions to be resolved at the Ministry of Economics, to be worked together with other economic areas. And ... just would give a suggestion, minister, if you could put in since early in some part of the plan, some reference important also about ... the public safety and ... control of corruption. They were two central themes, right? In the last elections.
Yeah ... they are two themes that, although, obviously, the plan will be subjected there to ... the necessary detailing, but it's important ... to have a benchmark so it seems we aren't moving away from these specific aspects.
Braga Netto and Moro discuss a bit more on whether or not details are on the meetings scope
Moro: You have to point out that also ... what was a victory of the government, the president, last year was a noticeable fall in main crime indexes. Although this might be more tied into the question of life and safety of people, it's also a key factory for economic investment, to attract, improve, the economic environment. And the control of corruption is assumed, right? So I'd do, there ... exclusively this specific suggestion.
Gustavo Montezano (head of the State Development Bank is introduced and starts speaking)
Gustavo Montezano: He begins by saying there needs to be an emphasis on the importance to focus on the reconstruction, as advised by Paulo Guedes. "One of the ... the critical parts is this legislation, or operation of the public machine. It's a very opportune moment for us to make use of this, and this makes a big difference of the price of a project, the speed, it's a big difference. So here I subscribe to what Minister Salles said." He follows up by explaining the restructuring of BNDES from a focus in loans to investments.
Nélson Teich (Health Minister) is introduced, I will put it entirely as it explains Brazil's COVID policy
Teich: He begins by mentioning how controlling the disease is key, as if you're not able to control it, fear will impede economic recovery. "And controlling the disease doesn't mean we'll cure it in a week, but that we're not a lost boat and that we have a strategy to work with this disease, right? So there are three things that we will work. First the information, to understand what is the disease, what's the evolution, how's the infrastructure to treat it because o ... o ... o ... one of the great issues we have today, if you look at Brazil today, it's one of the best countries in relation to mortality (as of May 23rd, Brazil has a CFR of 13%, with around 130k recovered). What's scary is when you see that the hospital can't take in patients, it's the morgue workers, it's that we're opening graves anywhere to bury, and this brings fear. And the fear impedes any other activity from having success. Because as long as this isn't solved, the rest will have no chance of being bought into by society. The next thing is to structure the care operations. So we will invest in logistics, invest in the purchasing process, and try to improve it.
Why? Because I have hospitals working, I'll have patients treated, I don't have the feeling of a crisis, the fear improves and the rest can come in. And the third thing we need to keep clear is a process to leave the isolation, the distancing. Not that it will end tomorrow, but we need to have a plan. Then we can show that the ... situation is under control. It may take a little, but we are controlling this process, that we are not a lost boat. So basically what I wanted to s ... say to you is that this is the method that we will treat and will ... we are going to be interacting with all ministries that will be necessary for this to happen in the quickest way possible. Basically it's that and it's a pleasure being here with you.
Bolsonaro: Yesterday I called the head of the Brazilian Highway Patrol. I found out, a note, from him, about the passing of a patrolman. And he insisted that it was COVID-19, I called him
"Please, what else? He was obese, it was that, was it" well, had, how do you call it? (asks Braga Netto about)
Braga Netto: Comorbidities
Bolsonaro: Comorbidities. But in his statement it only put out COVID-19. So let's alert the responsible, of the respective ministry, you can put COVID-19, but then put that he had fibrosis ... lots of things, I don't understand that stuff. There was a bunch of stuff there exactly not to bring fear to the population. Because we look, died an Army sergeant, for exemplo. On first look it's a healthy guy, right? A federal policeman, right? Whatever it is, this can't happen. So we ask for this care with the coworkers, right? At whoever is responsible, to the respective ministry, there someone in charge of that, right? To take this care to not bring fear to the population.
Teich and Braga Netto discuss on how long it would take to create the exit plan to the isolation
Teich: So we can speed up this process. Because in reality we are ... running against the clock. While we can't control the perception we have today that we can take care of the people, it will be hard, right? The problem of the disease is that you get a system that if you talk about efficiency, the hospitals have to be efficient. So when you talk about efficiency, you ... you go almost in the limit of care. You don't have ... you don't have spares, you don't have fat. When you get a disease that arrives, that has many people at the same time, you can't have the agility to prepare the system to take care of it. And we have an additional problem that we have to be careful, that's the following, as you have the hospitals with few ... you have many people talking about COVID, but hospitals are reducing intakes. Which means they will have financial problems. If this continues, they will have even more challenges, you will have a hospital that is in a worse state or a hospital closed.
What's happening today? Let's put it in numbers today, that we have four million people with COVID. Brazil today has two hundred and twelve million inhabitants. There are two hundred and eight million that are, that aren't, that aren't having adequate care. For you ... it's cancer, it's cardiovascular. This all is dammed, it's restringed demand. When you control COVID, the not COVID will come in strong, and you can risk a damaged structure.
Then you will only transfer the fear. What will be the fear of COVID to the fear of the not COVID. Then we have to be prepared for all that. So it's not only working the ... the short span. We have to prepare for this second stint in which this will all come together. We are doing all of this, just so you know what we are thinking of all this. Just so you can know this is all planned.
Braga Netto introduces Tarcísio Gomes, Minister of Infrastructure. He mentions using the Pró-Brasil recovery plan to invest in infrastructure, and how the money is drying up. The Central Bank has been injecting liquidity to help finish some construction projects.
Braga Netto then introduces Pedro Guimarães, head of Caixa (one of Brazil's government banks). This will be abridged
Guimarães: [...] I mean, all of those thieves, PT, PMDB, PSDB, all that thievery, twenty five percent (interest) per month. And nobody cares. [...] This morning, the people from Band (Bandeirantes, a TV channel) wanted money. The point is is this, will you or won't you give money to Band? Ah, won't give money to Band? Spent half and hour getting beaten up, but replied. And said "Look, are you at home? I have thirty thousand employees on the street. There's not deal, this bullshit of home office. I visited fifteen agencies, and you're at home?" Then they calmed down. [...] know how many people Caixa pays today? Seven million people, and everybody in home office. What bullshit is this?
Note: Band has demanded an explanation, and has said that it has not asked for no official payments. If there was a secret request of money, tell who it was and he will be fired, or else they threatened to take legal action
Guimarães: [...] Luis Lima, who swam with my father, was an Olympic athlete, had his wife and daughter of fourteen years of age arrested yesterday, in the police wagon. What the fuck is this? Sorry ... What the fuck is this? The guys goes in the wagon with his daughter. If it was me, I'd get my fifteen weapons and ... I'd give a ... I would go ... I would die. Because if my daughter went in the police wagon, I would kill or be killed. What is this? Was swimming in the ... the ... she's an Olympic athlete. You take the person, the person is swimming at fourteen years. I have a daughter that's fourteen. If my daughter goes into the police wagon either I'll kill or be killed
M (not sure who this is): Yeah, and Luiz Lima's wife didn't say she's the wife of a Federal Congressman
[...]
Guimarães: And that governor stealing
Guimarães then mentions that out of the 120 high ranking positions he purged 105. He then continues defending about how Caixa is having issues providing credit.
Guimarães: There's people from the TCU (Federal Accountability) of the emergency funds? Know what's happening? There's people there saying we give to much and people saying we give too little. We're fucked!
G continues explaining how Caixa is the one of the largest banks, and is suffering with works coming down with COVID. He continues "I told my wife: if anything happens I'll go there myself ... take a liter of hydroxychloroquine all that crap. So this way, I think we are, just the last thing, in, in a question of collective hysteria. I mean, I can have thirty thousand employees at Caixa, paying seven million today, two million on fri ... yeah, monday. Yesterday we opened 800 agencies, will open saturday, will open sunday, two hours earlier. And what does the media want? That you pay and fuck the employees. But if two die, 9 o'clock news". He goes back to the Luiz Lima case, "And then you set a rapist free?" He then thanks Moro for allowing Caixa security guards (technically federal employees) to work outside the agencies, so that they can help coordinate the lines outside.
Braga Netto introduces Ernesto Araújo, minister of foreign relations
Ernesto Araújo: [...] I'd like to mention the following, I think it's fundamental that this international dimension not be simply an adaptation of us to the international scenario, but that it takes into account the capacity Brazil has today to influence the design of a new international scenario. I am more convinced that Brazil today has the condition, the opportunity to sit in the table of the four, five, six countries that will define the new world order. [...] And this scenario is, ... I think he has to take into account the following ... we are there reviewing the last thirty years of globalization. There will be a new globalization.
What happened in these thirty years? It was a globalization blind for the theme of values, for the theme of democracy, of liberty. It was a globalization that, we are seeing now, creating a model in which the center of the international economy is in a country that isn't democratic, that doesn't respect human rights, etc, right? [...] That brings the project of, of the, the president, that's not only efficiency, economic growth, but there's liberty, the fight against corruption, the reinvention of Brazil, it's free, it's a Brazil free of these issues that we know. Thank you.
Braga Netto introduces Roberto Campos (President of the Central Bank)
Campos: I'll go back a bit here, and remind that at the end of the Dilma government the interest rate was 14.5%, short term. But the long one was 20%. And then we look at what happened and caused the interest rate that fell. [...] The rates fell up to the level of 6.5%, stabilized, had the uncertainty of the elections with the uncertainty of PT coming back, got worse, and when the market understood the pension reform was coming, was when there was space to cut rates again. [...] We have done meetings between ... meetings between the central bankers of various countries in the world, it's ... almost every week. I think there are three key points. First, there is a consensus, today, it's ... that the private world is afraid of taking risk. So, it won't ... there won't be a quick exist without the government coming in, in some way, taking risk. Because the private world is afraid to task risks due to the fear factor. [...] If you allow everybody to watch a football game tomorrow, will everybody leave their house and go?
Campos then goes explaining the fear factors, and how it has a multiplier effect to a degree.
Braga Netto then introduces Damares Alves, Minister of Human Rights, Family and Women
Damares: [...] This government has the pillar of values. [...] We received a government that didn't have data, and the data we had was false, lied. A Brazil of guesswork, a Brazil of maybe, "I think it is", "maybe yes maybe no". [...] When we went looking for traditional groups to building the fight against the coronavirus, we discovered, ministers, that we have 1.300.000 Ukrainians in Brasil and nobody every said anything about them to us. [...] We have 1.5 million gipsies and I spoke of 1.3 million. [...]
She follows up with some extra data disparities, such as rubber tappers, descendants of escaped slaves, children and elderly in care homes.
Damares: In this moment of the pandemic we see the joke of the Supreme Court bringing back abortion, and there was the question of ... are the women victim of zika will abort, and now of the coronavirus? Will they allow all that had coronavirus an abortion in Brazil? Will they allow everybody? Minister, it's filled with feminists that have a single issue that is allowing abortion. I want to remind you minister, that's arriving now, this is a pro-life government, pro-family. [...]
Follows up explaining how they are dealing with native populations and Covid
Damares: Do you know why we went there president? Because we received the news that there would be deliberate contamination in Roraima and Amazonas in natives, to kill them and blame them on Bolsonaro. I had to go there with the head of the Funai and met with generals of the region and the head the PF, so we could do a covert operation, because they had to kill more natives to say that our policy wasn't working.
Damares: So president, just to wrap up. Yeah, I'd like to say that your nervousness has a reason. There has never been so many violations of human rights in Brazil such as during this period. Fundamental rights have been violated. In our hotline there are over five thousand registries of human rights violations. But you sir have a very brave staff and minister of Human Rights. There are over five thousand proceedings and actions being made. Governors and mayors will respond to legal action.
The elderly are being arrested and thrown inside police vans in Brazil. Women thrown to the floor and being handcuffed for doing nothing ... doing nothing. We are seeing priests being fined 90 thousand reais because they were inside church with two worshippers. The greatest violation of human rights of the history of Brazil in the last thirty years of Brazil is happening right now, but we are taking action. The pandemic will pass, but governors and mayors will respond and we will ask for the arrest of governors and mayors. [...] the governor Wellington (Piauí) today, yesterday, determined that the police will be able to enter houses.
Bolsonaro asks if he signed the decree
Damares: Signed! The police will be able to enter houses without warrants. So, this way, the biggest violations are happening now. So, we are preparing, over five proceedings our ministry has taken initiative and we are asking for the arrest of a few governors.
Braga Netto introduces Marcelo Antônio, Minister of Tourism. Not much happens, with the exception of him defending the legalization of casinos, to Damares' anger. He believes it to be possible to do so with proper police work guaranteeing that it is done properly and legally.
In Damares' words "Deal with the devil"
General Mourão, vice president, invites Damares to play the roulette
Marcelo follows up with a proposal to rent hotels to isolate medical professionals and reduce exposure.
submitted by vhgomes12 to neoliberal [link] [comments]

The entire script of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.

OVER BLACK: BLART (V.O.) The road of life is always under construction... FADE IN: SUNRISE.* (* fromthe first movie) BLART (V.O.) ... thejourney is hard, but once you reach the top, the view is amazing. Amy and Blart getting married.* BLART (V.O.) And that view is even more beautiful when you have someone to share it with... Blart and Amy DANCE ON SEGWAYSat their reception.* INT. BLART’S MOM’S FRONT DOORWAY - DAY22Blart opens the door and is handed a LETTER by a STERN MAN. BLART (V.O.) ...forsix days. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - LATER33Blart sits in his Mom’s living room, holding the letter. She rubs his back as he CRIES HYSTERICALLY. BLART (V.O.) My beautiful wife of almost a week let me know by letter that she had, what I like to call “some regrets.” Her doctor called it, “uncontrollable vomiting.” Her lawyer... “dissolution of marriage.” He looks up at his Mom, cries a little more... and then RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) That’s okay, I needed a little time to myself. Like the song says: I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me. (MORE) David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALSPE CONFIDENTIAL // That’s okay, when life knocks Page 2/88 you down, calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, “you hit like a small boy.” And... (then) At least I still had the one thing that never seemed to let me down... security. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY3A3AWe see Blart at the mall, throwing himself into his work. He rides through the mall, UP-NODDING to passing customers. BLART (V.O.) I spent the next two years losing myself in the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mall safe. Blart spies a SMALL CHILD who appears lost. He rolls up to him on the segway and takes his hand, leading him to find his mom. Seeing the MOM, Blart reunites her with the boy. The mom is overjoyed. MOMThank you! (then to boy) Now give the fake cop a hug Andy. Blart is flattered and leans in for the hug. Andy is having none of it. Blart goes in again -- nothing. MOM (CONT’D) (getting agitated) Andy... hug him. BLARTUh... he doesn’t want a hug that’s okay. Blart is now frozen in the hug lean position. MOM(still to son) You are embarrassing me. Blart back away and leans in one more time, but the kid just BELTS HIM and runs away. The mom runs after him. Blart awkwardly gets on his segway and rides away. BLART (V.O.) (CONT'D) Salmon (05/02/2014)2. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.0) And, on the home front... I always had Mom. Page 3/88 EXT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNING44Mom, in a fuzzy bathrobe, walks out into the street... BLART’S MOMOh, here’s the paper. ...and is DRILLED by an old-fashioned MILK TRUCK. BLART (V.O.) That is until she got drilled by a milk truck. Didn’t know they even had those anymore. INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - DAY55Blart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... CRYING, uncontrollably. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. BLART (V.O.) Besides my Maya, it didn’t seem like I had very much to look forward to. // INT. BLART’S MOM’S HOUSE - MORNINGBlart once again sits in his mom’s living room looking at a FRAMED PHOTO of his mom... he begins to CRY, uncontrollably. In the picture, we see: His MOTHER standing in a sun dress and big, floppy CHURCH HAT, surrounded by AFRICAN HUNTERS on SAFARI in AFRICA. Salmon (05/02/2014)2A. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (V.O.) That is until her church group travelled to Africa, where she went on safari, and while snapping pictures, and getting a little too close, caught the business end of a Dicerosbicornis... a black rhino. Maya, who is now 19 years old, rubs his back. He once again gets up and RUNS out of the room. INT. WEST ORANGE PAVILLIONMALL - DAY66We see a melancholy Blart as he rides through the mall. BLART (V.O.) I guess I was the last one to get the memo -- Paul Blart had officially peaked... INT. DINING ROOM - DAY77Blart is opening mail at the table, he reads a LETTER that Page 4/88 has SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATIONletterhead. INSERT LETTER: selected to join us for an all expense paid trip to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada.” BLART (V.O.) ... orhad I? INT. MAYA’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS88Maya reads a different LETTER with UCLAletterhead. INSERT LETTER: accepted to the incoming freshman class.” BLART (O.S.) Maya! Come down here! I have some great news! MAYAMe too! Maya excitedly runs out of her room. INT. DINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER99Maya bounds in. Blart can’t contain himself. Buff (04/30/2014)3. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTHoney... we’ve been invited to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo and Award ceremony, in LasVegas, Nevada! MAYAVegas? Wow! BLARTI think they’re finally recognizing me for getting the mall out of that jam. MAYAJam? Dad, you savedthe mall! They shouldhonor you. I’m so proud of you. Maya hugs him. BLARTThank you honey. Blart breaks the hug and then holds Maya by the shoulders. BLART (CONT’D) I’ll tell ya, times have been tough, but no matter what happens as long as I have you by my side, I’ll be okay. (then) Alright, enough about me... what’s Page 5/88 your great news? Maya realizes it’s not the time to tell her dad about UCLA. She secretly tucks the letter into her back pocket. MAYAYeah, umm... BLARTWell, c’monSweetie, you got me on pins and needles here. // yougot me on top of the roller coaster here. MAYAI just remembered that... we have left-over baked ziti. Blart stares blankly at Maya... Is he on to her? Then... BLART(even bigger smile) What a day!! // Weeeeee!! What a ride!! 4. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The heroic MALL COP SCORE kicks in and we... CUT TO: CREDITS wiping behind the dented and worn SECURITY OFFICER 1010BADGE rotating through space. Finally settling on... TITLE: FLY-OVER1111The resort is bathed in golden sun, surrounded by the beautiful Las Vegas strip. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - DAY1212Blart and Maya slam the trunk on their tiny RENTAL CAR. Blart, struggling with four bags of luggage, is dressed in tourist civvies and has a large laminated SECURITY OFFICERS TRADE ASSOCIATION EXPO pass hanging around his neck. A sweet faced valet, LANE (18), approaches. LANEMay I help with your bags, sir? BLARTNo, no. That’s how they get’cha. I’ll be fine on my own, thank you. LANENo problem, sir. Lane notices Maya and gives her a slight smile. Maya BLUSHES. INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY1313Blart and Maya enter the spectacular lobby. Blart drops his bags in AWE. For Blart, this is like going to the SUPERBOWL. BLARTTake it in, cupcake... 400,000 square feet of casino and retail Page 6/88 space, sitting atop 215 luxurious acres... all protected by the finest security this side of the//Uh... I got nothin’. Top notch security though. // Mississip... andthe other side, actually. Both sides. (then) Welcome to the show. // Showtime. 5. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTYeah, I definitely would stand down for Robocop. DONNA ERICONEHe’s not real. BLARTNo, I knew that. Wow, glad I packed my dress whites. DONNA ERICONEGood thing. Just don’t tell anyone I told you. BLARTTell anyone what? DONNA ERICONEAbout the keynote -- (realizing) Oh, you got me... She punches Blart in the arm, hard. DONNA ERICONE (CONT’D) ... You done gone and gotme! I’ll see you tonight. BLARTRoger that, Officer Ericone. Donna exits. Blart turns to Maya, rubbing his arm. BLART (CONT’D) You were right princess... things just keep getting better. MAYA(feeling guilty) That’s great dad. An energized Blart strides up to a male RECEPTIONIST. BLARTYello-ha. RECEPTIONISTGood afternoon sir, welcome to the Wynn Resort. Blart hands him his ITINERARY. He reads it. Taps on his computer. BLARTChecking in. Page 7/88 7. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTAbsolutely... Mr. Blart. BLARTMr. Blart... (chuckles to himself) I’m sure you were thrown by the travel wear. It’s actually Officer. People often forget there’s a human face to law enforcement. Maya’s horrified. RECEPTIONISTOh. Okay... sorry about that. (then) Oh, yes... “Officer” Blart, I see we have you in a partial mountain view and you requested a “bottomless” bowl of Peanut M&M’s... BLARTI didn’t... my doctor probably... it’s strictly medicinal. Unfortunately, I am cursed with hypo-glycemia. “The hidden hell.” Sugar level drops and so do I. RECEPTIONISTOkay. BLART(not letting it go) It is okay because... fun fact for ya... Author Stephen King and comedian Sinbad, // R&B diva Patty LaBellealso have hypo-glycemia. So, I’m in pretty good company. RECEPTIONISTOf course. (taps a few more keys) Ooh... I’m sorry, but your room isn’t ready yet. In fact, we don’t have you checking in until three. But you can leave your luggage and I will have it delivered to the room. MAYADad, I’m starving. Can we just get some lunch? BLARTWhoa! Hold the mayo. (to receptionist) Page 8/88 (MORE) 8. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL I’m sure you didn’t know this, uh... (reads name tag) Heath, but if you check the Grand ballroom and see what group’s booked there tonight, I think your tune might change a wee bit... The receptionist HITS A KEY, reads the screen. RECEPTIONISTMini-Kiss... the cover band. BLARTWow, they’re good. RECEPTIONISTYes, they are. BLARTYeah, I’m not with them. Is there a manager, I could talk to? RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry she’s not available right now. Blart makes a decision... SIGHS. BLARTAlright... I hate doing this. Blart reaches in his SHOULDER BAG. MAYAOh no, Dad... not the maga-- BLARTSorry dumplin’, got no choice. MAYA(to receptionist) Terrace Cafe open for lunch? RECEPTIONISTYes it is. MAYAI’m out. Maya goes. Blart drops the MAGAZINE on the counter and then with GREAT FANFARE turns it to face the receptionist and SLOWLY SLIDES it towards him. BLART (CONT'D) 9. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry sir, what am I looking at? BLART“Perimeter Check,” the official trade journal of the security industry, Feb. ‘09. RECEPTIONISTDid you print this yourself? Page 9/88 BLARTAbsolutely not -- it’s published biannually. Big seller in Canada. (then) Take a gander at the inside of the back cover, I think it should clear things up. RECEPTIONIST(reading) “Say goodbye to toenail fungus...” BLARTOpposite page... toward the bottom. RECEPTIONIST : Oh. (then) Is that you? BLARTIt is. (leans in) This is not public information, but it seems I’m going to be delivering the keynote speech at the Security Officer convention, tonight. RECEPTIONIST(remembering) Oh you know, I think they cancelled that... (checks computer) Wup, no, they didn’t. But it was downsized to conference room “C”. Nope, “F.” The Receptionist retrieves a MAP, and opens it. RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D) Okay, here’s a map of our property. Blart looks at it quickly and slides it back. 10. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTThank you. RECEPTIONISTNo, that’s yours to keep. BLARTDon’t need it. It’s been scanned. (re: It’s all in here. Locked and loaded. Time for lunch. Blart exits. After a beat: RECEPTIONISTSir, your daughter and the Page 10/88 restaurant are that way. He points in the opposite direction. BLARTYup... themap was upside down when I scanned it. Blart exits the other way. OMIT 1515INT. TERRACE CAFE / (EUROPEAN POOL) - DAY1616Blart arrives at an outdoor table to find Lane talking to Maya, who is already in the middle of an appetizer. LANEWas I lying about the conch fritters? MAYAYou were not! They’re amazing! With just the right amount of zip! LANEGotta love the zip! MAYAOh, I do... I was born to zip! LANEPut my hand up on my hip, whenI zip... MAYA...youzip, 11. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) ...we zip. LANE...we zip. They share a LAUGH. There’s obviously a little connection between them. Blart clocks this. Lane turns to him. LANE (CONT’D) Oh, you forgot your valet ticket sir. He hands Blart the TICKET and then turns back to Maya, smiles and exits. Maya blushes once again. Blart plops down and stares at Maya. MAYAWhat? BLARTYou were bornto zip? Since when do you use the word “zip?” MAYAI always use the word zip. BLARTI don’t like it. Hipster talk. Maya shakes her head. MAYALook, Dad... you’re gonnahave to get used to the fact that I’m a big girl now. BLARTOkay, first of all, we’re all big... we’re Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles and a low center of Page 11/88 gravity, that’s how the good Lord made us. That’s why we’re so good at moving furniture. Blart pulls something from his pocket. It’s a MECHANICAL VIBRATING FORK. He begins to pick at the conch fritters. MAYAWhat is that? BLARTMy vibrating fork. It forces me eat slower. You think I eat fast at home? On vacation, I’m like a greyhound chasing a bunny. Blart takes a QUICK TWO BITES and it indeed VIBRATES and a RED LIGHT light FLASHES. 12. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) See? Blart waits for it to STOP vibrating, and the light to turn GREEN. He then takes another bite. This time slower. BLART (CONT’D) There we go. (quietly to himself) It’s just fuel. Just fuel. VOICE (O.S) Mr. Blart? Blart turns around WAY TOO FAST for the situation. BLARTSHANGHAI! But it’s only the smoking hot general manager, DIVINA MARTINEZ, who has two ROOM KEYS in her hand. DIVINAOh. Sorry to startle you, sir. BLARTIt’s okay, sometimes it’s just hard to turn off. // You hit the trip wire is all. Divina has no idea what he is talking about. DIVINAOkay. Well, I’m Divina Martinez, the hotel’s general manager. I wanted to apologize about the confusion regarding the convention and let you to know how happy we are to have your group staying with us. (beat) And good news -- I upgraded your Page 12/88 room. It has a view of the strip, it’s ready right now, and I wanted to give you the keys personally. Divina sets the keys down on the table and accidentally BRUSHES HER FINGERS against Blart’s. DIVINA (CONT’D) Oh, sorry about that. (having fun) Although, I must say you have very soft hands. Blart immediately reacts. 13. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTWhoa. Pump the brakes. // Whoa, pffffffffft... airbag! DIVINAExcuse me? BLARTI sense what you’re doing... (off her name tag) Divina. DIVINAWhat am I doing? BLARTTruthfully? Being a bit transparent. DIVINA(confused) I’m sorry. I don’t follow-- BLARTLook, I understand it’s the 21st century and a woman can go after hers just like a man. Maya is now dying a slow death. MAYADad, I really don’t think she was-- BLART(puts his hand up) This is grown-up stuff, tadpole. (back to Divina) Look, it takes two to tango and my dancing shoes are currently out for repair. DIVINASir... I’m sorry if I -- BLARTApology not needed, just know I’m working my way through a maze of personal fire and until the flames of chaos subside... I’m just not ready for public consumption. Divina decides it’s best to just let the customer be right. Page 13/88 DIVINAUm... I understand, sir. Have a great stay. 14. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Divina walks off. BLART(to Maya) It’s not just me, right? She was relentless. Divina, still totally confused, turns back to look one more time. EXT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS 1717A custom Harley Davidson MOTORCYCLE blows into the valet area and comes to a stop. The rider takes off his helmet to reveal... EDUARDO FURTILLO, HEAD OF SECURITY for the Wynn Resort and Casino. He is immaculately dressed in a GREY SUIT, with an EAR PIECE inconspicuously tucked into his collar. Two AGENTS from Casino Security join his side as Eduardo confidently enters the hotel. One wears a BLACK SUIT, AGENT PARSONS The other wears a PURPLE SUIT (like the one Henkwore,) this is AGENT JENKINS. EXT. TERRACE CAFE (EUROPEAN POOL) - MOMENTS LATER1818Divina stands there, lost in thought. Eduardo strides up. EDUARDO : Hola, mi amor. Divina, still a tad thrown, gives Eduardo a little kiss. He senses something is off. EDUARDO (CONT’D) What troubles you, my pet? DIVINAI just had the strangest exchange with that guy over there. Divina points to Blart. P.O.V: EDUARDOEl Gordo? DIVINA(this is absurd) Yeah -- he accused me of hitting on him. 15. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow Page 14/88 SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDO(chuckles) Funny -- they say overweight people use humor to achieve affection. DIVINAYou know what? Okay, yes -- I also heard that. // -- that makes sense. They share a laugh, as they both look at Blart. P.O.V: VIBRATING and the LIGHT to turn off. A VIP RECEPTIONIST arrives and clears her throat. VIP RECEPTIONISTExcuse me, Ms. Martinez, our VIP guest has arrived. INT. WYNN VIP RECEPTION AREA - MOMENTS LATER1919Divina and Eduardo enter. Divina extends her hand to... VINCENT SOFEL, 40’s, TWO DIFFERENT COLORED EYES, a three piece suit, sits in a chair, sipping an espresso. A BRIEFCASE sits at his feet. Behind him is ROBINSON, mid 30’s, African American and Vincent’s bodyguard, SCOTT, tall, black suit. Vincent stands. DIVINAWelcome back to the Wynn, Mr. Sofel. We have the accommodations you requested all ready for you. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call either myself or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo. Divina points to Eduardo, who nods. VINCENTYou guys took me for a lot of money on my last visit. DIVINAWell, I hope you’re able to turn that around this time. Vincent smirks. VINCENTOh, I plan to. 16. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM -- LATER2020Blart finishes unpacking and notices that there is one QUEENSIZE BED and one folded ROLL AWAY. He calls to Maya. BLARTI don’t know how this is an upgrade. You take the bed, I’ll Page 15/88 take the roll away. MAYA (O.S.) Dad, this is your convention, you can’t sleep on the roll away. BLARTI certainly can. I once fell asleep in a hurdler’s stretch. // climbinga fence. // rakingleaves. // duringa snowball fight. MAYA (O.S.) We’ll figure it out later. I gotta get going. Maya comes out wearing a ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT, with puffy flowers. She’s holding her beach bag, and heads for the door. Blart panics... BLARTWhoaaa, okay, thanks for telling me, Victoria’s secret! (averts his eyes) What do you think you’re wearing young lady? MAYAUm, a bathing suit? BLARTMaybe for an elf // maybe for a cabbage patch doll... how about leaving a little to the imagination. // leavinga little for your wedding night. MAYAI was going to hang out by the pool. BLARTNot in that. Maya rolls her eyes, grabs a COVER UP and puts it over her bathing suit. MAYAFine. Then I’m going exploring. 17. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Maya starts for the door. BLARTHold up. You got your extra phone battery? MAYAYup. BLARTFlashlight? MAYAAlways. BLARTHot pepper spray? MAYACheck. BLARTPocket knife-key chain, window Page 16/88 smasher? MAYAI do. BLARTBaby road flares? MAYAYes! I’ve got it all! Finally, Blart produces a small consumer WALKIETALKIE. BLARTHere take this. It’s set to monitor, so I can hear everything that’s going on. MAYANo way -- I already feel like a SWAT unit! BLARTMaya, security is a mission, not an intermission. Blart looks long at Maya, until this sinks in... Yellow (04/22/2014)18. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLART (CONT’D) Okay. Head on a swivel. She exits. INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - DAY - HIGH CEILING2121We are in a beautiful, two story suite. There is a flurry of activity as several people (NADIA, CARLOS, KIRA, and Scott) move DIFFERENT SIZE WOODEN CRATES into the suite. Vincent hands Robinson the BRIEFCASE he’s been carrying. Robinson opens it and places it on the coffee table. He then unfolds three pencil-thin COMPUTER MONITORS from the case, revealing a KEYBOARD. We see that the briefcase has now become an elaborate COMPUTER SYSTEM. Robinson looks impressed. Vincent leans over Robinson’s shoulder. VINCENTLet’s see if I bankrolled the right NSA agent. Robinson hits a few keystrokes, then a PASSWORD and we see that he’s hacked into the entire Wynn surveillance system. ROBINSONHow’s that? VINCENTSo far, so good. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. All activity stops dead. Scott pulls a SILENCED PISTOL, puts it behind his back and opens the door. A Wynn security agent, HENK, enters. He wears the signature WYNN, PURPLE SUIT with a NAME TAG and an EAR BUD. HENKWe had a complaint about the noise. Page 17/88 Robinson stands and approaches the security guard. He looks him up and down for a tense beat, then... ROBINSONThat’s why we have you. Vincent steps up. VINCENTI gotta say Henk, -- nice uniform. 19. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL And Henk, the fake security agent, smiles wide. HENKYou don’t want to know what it took to get the real deal. VINCENTI don’t -- The activity once again starts. Henkwinks and... HENKGotta get back to keeping the Wynn Resort safe. Henkshuts the door behind him. Nadia, the art expert, holds up her phone as she approaches Vincent. NADIAThey’ve moved several of the pieces in the last few days. Here’s the new locations of all thirteen. On the screen is a hi-tech “3DRENDERING” of the entire hotel with RED DOTS marking the locations of the art. She hits send on her phone. Vincent then gathers his troops. VINCENTPerfect. I want to be in and out in less than nine hours people. Robinson holds up his phone next to Vincent’s, a timer is CLICKING DOWN from 9:00:00... 8:59:59... 8:59:58, etc. Robinson hits a BUTTON and the TIMER on Vincent’s phone perfectly syncs up. We now see the crew start to change their clothes into Wynn “EMPLOYEES: Even Robinson puts on a PURPLE security coat and EAR PIECE. INT. WYNN CASINO (ENCORE CASINO) - DAY2222Blart strolls through the casino, when he hears an ERUPTION of CHEERS at a nearby CRAPS TABLE. He weaves his way over. BLART(to gambler) What’s all the hoopla friend? GAMBLER # 1(re: This guy’s crushing! I’m literally running out of room for my chips! Page 18/88 20. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL WAITRESSIt’s complimentary, sir. BLART(keeps getting better) Complimentary? (signaling for all) Then root beers around the horn! She stares at him. BLART (CONT’D) (sotto) Just one. She exits. BLART (CONT’D) I have never felt more alive! The High Roller THROWS the dice. CRAPS DEALERSeven! Craps! A HUGE GROAN from the crowd. Gambler # 1 GLARES at Blart. GAMBLER # 1Boo. The dealer turns to Blart. CRAPS DEALERYou lost everythingBLARTBut, don’t I get -- CRAPS DEALEREverything. Devastated, Blart stares straight ahead and slowly backs away from the table. Just then his complimentary ROOT BEER arrives. Blart blankly grabs the mug, CHUGS the entire thing and slowly walks away in a daze. EXT. WYNN SOUTH ENTRANCE LOBBY - DAY2323Still stung, Blart walks through the lobby when he sees Maya talking to Lane at the Valet stand! He stealthily makes his way to get a better look, when Maya notices him. Busted, Blart tries to get away but he just slams into a LUGGAGE CART. 22. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. WYNN HOTEL SOUTH VALET AREA - CONTINUOUS23A23ALane notice Blart, struggling with the luggage cart. LANEHey, is that your dad? MAYAI wish I could say “no” right now. Page 19/88 (then) I’ll be right back. Maya leaves and approaches Blart. MAYA (CONT’D) Dad, are you spying on me? BLARTSpying? No, I’m -- I just wanted you to know something... MAYAWhat? Beat. Thinks. BLARTThe door to safety swings on common sense. MAYAGo. Please. BLARTMaya. MAYADad! You are embarrassing me. BLART(heartbroken) Sorry you feel that way. I’ll leave you alone. MAYAPlease. Maya returns to talk to Lane, as Blart walks away, crushed. Just then, Blart is approached by SAUL GUNDERMUTT, a poorly dressed man with a mouthful of huge VENEERS, a thick Afro of RED HAIR and sporting large GOLD FRAMED EYE GLASSES. 23. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTTBlart. Saul Gundermutt, head of the Security Officers Trade Association. I catch you at a bad time? BLART(recovering) No, no, it’s a pleasure, sir. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPleasure’s mine and I just want you to know, I got you sitting at my table tonight. Blart can barely contain himself. This confirms it! BLARTWow, I’m just so excited. I heard rumblings.... Saul looks CONFUSED. SAUL GUNDERMUTTRumblings? BLART(leading) About the keynote... SAUL GUNDERMUTTOh... with good reason -- NickPanero’sgiving it. Great guy. Great guard. Page 20/88 Blart looks gut punched. He quickly tries to cover. BLARTYeah, no. NickPanero. Those were the rumblings. That’s terrific. That is SO good. (then) Love to meet him sometime... pick his brain... SAUL GUNDERMUTTLooks like your lucky day, here he comes. Saul nods in the direction of.... Officer NICKPANERO, 40’s, GOOFY, JITTERY wearing a MALL OF MIAMI T-SHIRT, and Officer GINO CHIZETTI, 50’s, wearing an ill-fitting TANK TOP. They approach Blart. Pink (04/21/2014)24. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Blart. Officer NickPaneroand Officer Gino Chizetti. BLARTOfficer Manero. Nice to-- NICKPANEROHold the applesauce, hot shot. I heard‘ayou. Rumor has it, you thought youwere giving the keynote tonight. (turns to Chizetti) He thought he was giving it. GINO CHIZETTIYou thought you were giving it? BLART(covering) No. I didn’t -- NICKPANEROMan. You gotta stop bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart. It was six years ago. GINO CHIZETTIGotta let it go. BLART(confused) I never brought up Black Friday. GINO CHIZETTIYa did... ya just did. SAUL GUNDERMUTTActually, the Black Friday thing’s why you’re here, Paul. BLARTHmm? SAUL GUNDERMUTTTo show some appreciation. Let you check out the latest in security technology and sit at the table of honor when Nick gives the keynote. Page 21/88 BLARTAnd what an honor it is. (to Nick) I’m sorry, what did you do again? Pink (04/21/2014)25. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL NICKPANERO(incredulous) What’dI do? GINO CHIZETTI(incredulous) What’dhe do? NICKPANEROLast year I thwarted a ring of frozen yogurt thieves. You know those punch cards where if you hit a certain amount you get a free yogurt? BLARTSure. SAUL GUNDERMUTTWe got ‘em in the mid west. NICKPANEROWell, these animals made their own hole-punch, and next thing you know the place is hemorrhagingyogurt. I had no choice but to take ‘em down. GINO CHIZETTITake ‘em down. NICKPANERO(to Chizetti) You gotta stop that. GINO CHIZETTIYup. SAUL GUNDERMUTTPretty impressive, huh? BLARTYeah, bad day to be a yogurt thief. NICKPANEROThat’s right, slingshot. Well, no hard feelings. Tell you what. After I bring down the house tonight... Chizetti and I’ll take you out for a cold one. BLART(through the pain) I don’t drink. That’s when a Segway EMPLOYEE rides behind them and pulls up to a Segway RENTAL KIOSK. Pink (04/21/2014)26. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart’s eyes GO WIDE. Gino Chizetti leans in... GINO CHIZETTIHeard you’re pretty good on one of Page 22/88 those. BLARTI’ve been known to dabble. Blart jumps on the Segway... BLART (CONT’D) (trying to appear humble) I really shouldn’t. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEActually sir, you can’t. I would need a valid driver’s license if you want to take it for a test drive. Blart holds his LAMINATE in front of his face. BLARTI think if you peep the laminate, you’ll see I’m all access. Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode. Blart hits a BUTTON and the Segway gives off an acceptance CHIRP. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEOkay, well I see you know your way around a p133. BLARTI do, but this old gal’s a bit tired... I have a modified i2commuter myself. SEGWAY EMPLOYEEWow, that’s really cool... still gonnaneed a valid license though. Blart easily does a couple of quick moves. Growing in confidence... BLART(re: Whoa... THAT just took place. // Whoa... THAT was valid. SEGWAY EMPLOYEESir, please be careful. It’s about weight distribution. Make sure both hands are firmly on the grips. 27. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL BLARTOh, really? So I’m guessing you wouldn’t want me to do THIS! Blart takes BOTH HANDS off the Segway and leans forward taking off towards the Valet stand and Maya. Blart WINKS at Maya, she’s horrified. MAYAPlease don’t... Blart aggressively executes a series of impressive, ONE-ARMED SPIN MOVES, gaining speed and confidence. Blart takes off BACKWARDS into the driveway. Page 23/88 The crowd is impressed, until a SHUTTLE VAN pulls up and everyone GASPS... It’s going to DRILL Blart... But NO! Blart pulls off the move of the century and avoids certain disaster!! Just as he looks over to the impressed crowd and cracks a sly smile... he backs the Segway directly into a moving CONVERTIBLE! Blart back flips into the back seat and the car pulls away. Maya’s mortified. Lane is stunned. After a beat... LANEWell, I better get back to work. I’m off in a half hour. Maybe I’ll see you around. MAYAI’d like that. As Blart drunk-walks his way back into the valet area... BLART(mumbling) Shuttle van...// Still got the laminate... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON2424Blart, still in pain, lays on the ROLL AWAY. Maya enters from the bathroom wearing a Wynn robe. BLARTLottafun today... great fun! MAYADad, you okay? You should really get checked out. 28. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Blart musters the courage to tell her. BLARTPumpkin, my body’s fine... it’s my ego that took a hit. Turns out I’m not giving the keynote tonight. Maya feels terrible. MAYAWell you know what? You should call a cop, because you got robbed. BLARTThanks kitten... but technically I wouldn’t need a cop -- MAYAIt’s a figure of speech, daddy. BLART : I know, it’s just, cops think they’re all that. Don’t like it. Do not... like it. Blart checks his WATCH. BLART (CONT’D) Page 24/88 Whoa, we got a meet-and-greet in fifteen... we should get a move on. Blart painfully gets off the roll away. MAYAAs exciting as that sounds, I think I’m just gonnatake a bath and a nap. I’m kindatired. BLART(a bit hurt) Sure. Right. You should get some rest. (beat) I’ll come back to get you for dinner at Bartolotta. We have reservations at six. It’s supposed to be the real deal. MAYA(short) Gotcha. Blart deflates, opens the door. MAYA (CONT’D) Hey dad... Yellow (04/22/2014)29. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYA (CONT’D) Sorry about the speech. I’ll see you later. I love you. She gives Blart a KISS and heads into the bathroom. He can’t help but SMILE. EXT. EUROPEAN POOL/ CABANA BAR - AFTERNOON2525Blart stands with Gino and Donna listening to Nick. They all hold FRUITY DRINKS. NICKPANEROSo I got this one kid against the wall and I turn to the other and say, “hand over the yogurt.” It was over that fast. Lights out. GINO CHIZETTILights out. (turns to Blart) Hey, how much you pay for your belt? BLART(confused) Um... I don’t know it was a gift. GINO CHIZETTIYou gotta guy? ‘Cause I gotta guy. Page 25/88 BLARTA belt guy? No, I don’t have a belt guy. Just then an older, Indian man, KHAN MUBI, joins the group. As he greets each one of them, he HUGS them... KHAN MUBIKhan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. (hug) Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. Blart takes the hug. BLARTThank you. It’s been one heck of a day. That embrace helped. Khan pulls Blart in for ANOTHER hug. BLART (CONT’D) Yup. First one warmed me up... but this one brought it home. Pink (04/21/2014)30. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL Khan releases the hug. BLART (CONT’D) We should probably go... They all make their way into the... INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL - MOMENTS LATER2626Where many KIOSKS are set up under banners...“NON-LETHAL WEAPONS... ETC.” Blart is impressed. BLARTWow... INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE BATHROOM - SAME2727Maya lights a CANDLE and sets it on the edge of the tub. She takes out her acceptance letter, sits and reads it again. She is interrupted by her phone BEEPING. It’s a text from Lane. ON SCREEN: EXT. WYNN ASIAN SCULPTURE HALLWAY - SAME2828An incredible ASIAN SCULPTURE is being admired by two TOURISTS. Nearby, an attractive WOMAN drops her PURSE, scattering her belongings onto the floor. We’ve seen her before in the presidential suite, her name is Kira. KIRAOh, no! As soon as the tourists move over to help her, Robinson, dressed as purple coated security, takes out a REPLICA DOME and hits “play.” Page 26/88 ON SCREEN: He quickly moves under the SECURITY CAMERA and ATTACHES the replica dome, so it’s broadcasting what’s playing in a 360 degree field of view. He then holds out what looks like a hand held metal detector. A BLUE LIGHT emits from the device and SCANS the glass case. A light on the back of the device turns GREEN. Robinson then NODS to Kira. She nods back and Robinson moves off. 31. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - SAME2929Blart, Khan, Gino and Donna move to the first kiosk where REP #1 lifts up what looks like a SAWED OFF SHOTGUN. Nick heads off in a different direction. REP #1I’d like to introduce you to “The Big Sticky Mess,” a sawed off shotgun that shoots glue foam. You get this on you and it’s stickier than a work shoe in an IHOPbathroom. The group moves to the NEXT KIOSK: Blart greets REP #2. BLARTWhat’s the latest, friend? REP #2Marbles... you release this tie, and two hundred marbles are at your disposal. It’s your best answer to crowd control. You can’t run with these under your feet. Heck, you can’t even stand. THE NEXT KIOSK: BLARTFlashlight? REP #3Nope. The VitruSonic Taser. Renders your assailant incapacitated for five seconds at a time. The group walks along, when Blart notices... THE KIOSK ACROSS THE WAY: Saul Gundermutt attends to a large CURTAINED BOX. Blart drifts away from the group and up to Saul. SAUL GUNDERMUTTHey Paul. BLARTHey Saul. What’chagot there? Page 27/88 SAUL GUNDERMUTTIt’s getting revealed tomorrow at the luncheon. It’s a prototype. Not supposed to show anybody. (looks around) (MORE) 32. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL But since you’re into gyroperformance vehicles.... takea gander. Saul peels back the curtain. We don’t see what Blart sees. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT’D) Things will never be the same. Blart is shaken to the core. NEXT KIOSK: rejoins the group. REP #4When it’s time to make them pay the price, reach for “The Finisher,” * the most effective, non-lethal bean bag firearm on the market. The officers are impressed. The Rep turns to Blart. REP #4 (CONT’D) Why don’t you take her for a spin. BLARTMe? Um... sure. The Rep hands the gun to Blart who takes careful aim. There are FOUR TARGETS set up. Blart fires off four quick shots... MISS. MISS. MISS. MISS. We hear a CHUCKLE off screen. The group turns to reveal... Eduardo, Agent Parsons (black coat) and Agent Jenkins (purple coat). EDUARDOPaul Blart, Mall Cop. BLARTYes sir. EDUARDOEduardo Furtillo, Headof Security for the Wynn Resort and Casino.. BLARTOh, nice to meet a fellow brother in arms. (then, to his group) Fun fact for ya. You may notice that Mr. Furtillo here, being the head of security is in a grey coat. While... I’m sorry son, I didn’t Page 28/88 get your name. SAUL GUNDERMUTT (CONT'D) Cherry (05/13/2014)33. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL The security agent next to Eduardo speaks. AGENT JENKINSJenkins. BLARTWhile Jenkins here is wearing a purple coat. See, they have a hierarchy of coat colors based on their security responsibilities... Grey, black, pine, and then finally... purple. (to Jenkins) Sorry. No offense. AGENT JENKINSYou’re wearing a polyestershirt with spanxunderneath. BLARTYep. Good catch. // Today I am... yes. (then, to Eduardo) By the way, as a professional courtesy, happy to keep my eyes peeled for any irregularities while I’m here. JENKINSOh, I think we’re good. BLARTYou’re great, the best -- just honoring the code of the badge. If you’re ever in my barn, I hope you’d do the same. EDUARDO(to Jenkins) He’s adorable, right? Jenkins and Parsons share a laugh. EDUARDO (CONT’D) (back to Blart) I see you admiring the “non lethals”. Guess they don’t trust you with the real stuff. I mean what are you really “guarding” anyway? Cell phone covers and Cinnabon? BLARTWell, there’s also three ATM’s and a Dave and Buster’s, so -- Pink (04/21/2014)34. Page 29/88 David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL EDUARDOHey. (motions to Blart) Closer. Gonna let you in on a little secret. Since I was named head of security five years ago, we have not had so much as a towel go missing. The Wynn hotel is the most secure place in the entire world. Without breaking eye contact, Eduardo GRABS the bean bag gun and fires off FOUR SHOTS with one hand, KNOCKING DOWN all four targets. EDUARDO (CONT’D) We don’t need your help, amateur hour. But please, have fun at your little get together tonight. Eduardo drops the bean bag gun and walks away. Blart turns to the group. BLARTWow, that was impressive. And is it me, or did he smell like tobacco and vanilla? INT. WYNN BASIC SINGLE ROOM - AFTERNOON3030Blart enters his hotel room. BLARMaya... you still in the bath? (knocks on door) Sunshine? Concerned, Blart opens the door to find... the BATHTUB FILLED, candles STILL LIT, her ROBE lying on the floor. BUT NO MAYA! He grabs the phone in the bathroom. BLARTGET ME SECURITY! EXT. ENCORE BEACH CLUB POOL BAR - AFTERNOON3131As several youngpeople hang out, wefindMayaand Lane each enjoy a SODA. LANEIt’s so cool you got into UCLA. You must be stoked. 35. David Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow SPE CONFIDENTIAL MAYANot really. I haven’t been able to tell my dad. Page 30/88
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Great Games with Traditional Playing Cards For All Occasions

Great Games with Traditional Playing Cards

Most people have learned a handful of traditional card games at best, but the truth is that there is just a whole world of wonderful card games out there, just waiting to be discovered and explored. I have a large collection of other modern games, but over the years I have learned a lot of card games with a traditional deck, and I find myself often coming back to them - especially when I have a custom deck in my hands!
So here is a list of some of my favourite traditional games with standard playing cards, arranged alphabetically within three main categories: social and family games, trick-taking games, and non trick-taking games. Included at the end of the list is a section with books about games with playing cards that I own and can recommend, along with links to some other resources. Each game has a direct link to where you can find the rules on Pagat.com, which is the most authoritative and comprehensive website with rules for games with traditional playing cards. I've also noted the number of players each game is suitable for. It is worth noting that several of these games are particularly excellent for just two players.
Although some more recently invented games are included, for the most part the emphasis of this list is on traditional card games that have stood the test of time in some way, and we are not concerned here with using a standard deck to play modern games. Obviously there are many other games that can be played with a standard deck of cards besides the ones included here. This list is not intended to be exhaustive, but just represents the ones are most well-known, and for the most part are games that I have personally tried and enjoyed, or ones that I know are good classics that are worthwhile learning. I hope this will encourage you to stretch yourself outside of your comfort zone, and that you will take the time to learn and explore some new territory. Believe me, it is really worth it, because there are some truly fantastic games here!

Social and Family Games

This category is somewhat arbitrary in that some of the card games in the other categories can also be enjoyed socially or with children, and the games in this category are certainly not just for children. But if I was looking for a fun and lighter game that is easy to learn and play, these are all excellent choices.
Blitz (2-12 players) - A popular and casual/social card game, also known as "Scat", "Thirty-One", "Ride the Bus", and "Blitz". By drawing and discarding a card each turn, the aim is to try to improve your three card hand to have the closest to 31 points in one suit.
Cheat (3-13 players) - Also called "I Doubt It" or "Bullsh**", this is a game many children have played. The aim is to be the first to get rid of all your cards, and you can bluff about what cards you are playing on a turn, but if you get challenged and caught out you have to pick up the entire pile.
Egyptian Ratscrew (2-6 players) - This is a quick-slapping game that is like Slap Jack on steroids, and has been published commercially under the name Slamwich.
Fan Tan (3-6 players) - Also known as "Sevens", "Domino", "Parliament", and "Pay or Play". In turns players play a card to a common layout, which will begin with sevens as the foundation for each suit. Once a seven is played, you can build up or down on that suit, with the aim to be the first to play all your cards.
GOPS (2 players) - A simple and quick bidding/bluffing game for two players. The Diamonds are point cards corresponding to their value, and revealed one at a time in random order. Players each get an entire suit as their hand (Clubs or Spades), and play a card of their choice, with the revealed point card going to the higher played card. GOPS is an acronym for "Game Of Pure Strategy", since there is zero luck.
Knock Out Whist (2-7 players) - Also called "Trumps", this is a simplified version of Whist, where the aim is to avoid elimination after each hand by winning at least one trick. The first hand has seven tricks, and it becomes harder to stay in the game because each successive hand has one less trick. A perfect game to introduce people to trick-taking.
Mao (2-7 players) - This game has especially been popular in college and university crowds since the 1960s, and the aim is not just to win but to have fun. Essentially it is a Crazy Eights variant with special additions, but the rules may not be discussed; new players are expected to try to figure out the rules by observing a game and by trial and error. Theoretically there are overtones of Mornington Crescent, Fizzbin, and Calvinball, but Mao is actually a playable game.
Palace (2-6 players) - Also called "Sh**head" or "Karma". A very light casual game, where the aim is to avoid being last to get rid of your cards. Players each have a row of three face down cards, a row of three face up cards covering these, and a hand of three cards. On your turn you play cards equal or higher than the card on the discard pile, otherwise you pick up the entire pile.
President (3-16 players) - Classically known as "Chairman," "Scum," or "A**hole", and fun for groups, this is an easy introduction to the family of climbing games. The aim is to get rid of cards as soon as possible, and you must play at least as many cards as the previous player, but with higher values. Depending on the order in which players go out, a new hierarchy of players is established. A variation of this was published commercially as The Great Dalmuti. For more advanced climbing games, see Big Two later on this list.
Ranter-Go-Round (3-12 players) - This is also known as "Chase The Ace" or "Cuckoo", with slight variations. A simple game of passing cards around, with a high luck element, the player with the lowest card at the end loses a chip, and the aim is to avoid being eliminated by losing your chips.
Rummy (2-6 players) - A classic card game, in which players draw and discard cards, trying to get "melds" that typically consist of sets of the same values or runs of consecutive values. Many variants exist, including Gin Rummy, which is an excellent game and appears later on this list, as well as some commercially published games like the Mystery Rummyseries. Contract Rummy (3-5 players) also developed from Rummy, and adds the complication that in each round players have to fulfil a different contract, which is a fixed combination of sets or runs, that they must have before they can meld. A version of Contract Rummy was published commercially under the name Phase Ten.
Scopa (2-6 players) - A fascinating classic Italian card game that is especially good for two players, and for four players as a partnership game called Scopone. Players are using cards in their hand to "capture" point-scoring cards from a common pool, with captured cards matching or adding up to the value of the card played from hand. Also recommended is Escoba(3-4 players), which is the Spanish name for the Scopa di Quindici variant common in Brazil, in which you capture cards that add to a total of 15 by including a card from your hand. Closely related to Scopa is Cassino, which has gives some added options for play, and appears later on this list.
Speed (2-4 players) - Also called "Spit", this a high speed game similar in style to Nertz (see later on this list), but slightly easier and more suitable for children. The aim is to be the first to get rid of all your cards by simultaneously and quickly playing cards of higher or lower value to a common stock.
Spoons (2-8 players) - A hilarious game for kids or large groups, also known as "Pig" or "Donkey". Players have four cards and simultaneously pass a card to the left, trying to get a set of four matching cards, at which point they take a spoon from the center, which is the signal for everyone to grab a spoon - but there is one less spoon available than the number of players! "My Ship Sails" is a variation that has the aim to collect seven cards of the same suit.

Trick-Taking Games

Trick taking games are one of the most common types of card games, and classics like Hearts and Spades are good examples. It is a game where players all have a hand of cards, and game-play revolves around a series of "tricks", in which each trick involves everyone playing one card from their hand, with the trick typically going to the person who played the highest card. If you have never played a trick-taking game before, I suggest you start with Knock Out Whist, which was listed in the previous category, and is an excellent and fun way to get introduced to this style of game.
500 (4 players) - The national card game of Australia. A skilful trick-taking game where players bid for the number of tricks they think their partnership can win. The winning bidder is allowed to exchange several cards, and select the trump. There is much to love: the trick-taking; the bidding and selecting trump; the exchanging with the kitty to manipulate your hand; the playing in partnerships. A variant for three players also exists.
Bezique (2 players) - A classic trick-taker for two players that originated in France, was very popular in the early 20th century, and has some similarities to the two player version of the American game Pinochle.
Bridge (4 players) - The ultimate classic among trick-taking card games. It is played in partnerships, and gives much room for much skilful play. Contract Bridge is often played in organized club settings, and the bidding and game-play has an extensive series of conventions that can take some time to learn in order to play well.
Briscola (2-6 players) - An Italian trick-taking game that is quite easy to learn and play especially as a two player game. Using just 40 cards, the aim is play tricks from your hand of three in order to win point scoring cards. Apparently this is especially good with the five player Briscola Chiamata variant.
Euchre (4 players) - Extremely popular as a social game in parts of Canada and the USA, Euchre can especially be fun when played in a casual tournament setting. Just 24 cards are used, with the Jacks being powerful "bowers". One partnership is trying to win the most tricks from a five card hand, with trump determined by a turned up card. Ecarte (2 players) is an excellent trick-taking game that is very similar to Euchre, but better suited for a two player game.
German Whist (2 players) - An excellent Whist style game for two players. Each player has a hand of 13 cards, and the first phase involves each person playing a card in order to compete for the face up card from the top of the stock (the very first card shown is the trump suit); the winner gets that card, the loser gets the next face-down card. When the stock is gone, you play out your remaining 13 cards, and the player winning the most tricks is the winner.
Hearts (3-7 players) - One of the all time classic trick-taking games, where the aim is to avoid taking tricks with Hearts, since these are minus points, while the Queen of Spades is a whopping 13 minus points. There is no trump suit.
Jass (2-4 players) - The national Swiss game, playable with two players or in partnerships. This is part of the Jass family which originated in the Netherlands. The wider family includes Belote (French), Klabberjass/Clob (German), and Klaverjassen (Dutch). The Swiss Jass is somewhat similar to Bezique and Pinochle.
Le Truc (2 players) - This out-of-the-ordinary betting/bluffing/trick-taking game is a 19th century French game using a 32 card deck, and was especially popularized after inclusion in Sid Sackson's Gamut of Games. A brilliant bluffing game where you use a hand of three cards to play only three tricks, but can increase the value of a hand throughout the game, to bluff and cause your opponent to fold. Be aware of some rule variations. Both the French Le Truc and the Spanish Truc (which has 2 player partnerships) are derived from the older English game Put (2 players), which is a simpler two player bluffing game that I can also recommend.
Ninety-Nine (3 players) - This original game by David Parlett is regarded as one of the very best trick-taking games for exactly 3 players. Only 36 cards are used, and from a hand of 12 players lay aside three cards that represent the number of their bid, and play out the remaining 9 cards in tricks, trying to win exactly the number of tricks corresponding to their bid.
Oh Hell (3-7 players) - This goes under many names, including Up and Down the River, Bust, and some less savoury titles that are variations on Oh ***. A great trick taking game where you bid how many tricks you can win, while the hand size increases or decreases each round. The game enables considerable skill, because even with bad cards you score if you bid correctly. Numerous scoring variants exist, one being published commercially under the name Wizard.
Pinochle (4 players) - A popular and classic American trick-taking game for partnerships that uses an 48 card deck. Gameplay starts with an auction in which players bid how many points their team will win, with highest bidder picking trump. Each player gets a hand of 12 cards, and individual cards are worth points, as well as combinations of cards in hand (melds). A two-player variant of Pinochle using a single-deck also exists.
Piquet (2 players) - This classic game has a very long history going back several centuries. It is demanding since it has some old-fashioned complications, but is still popular, and regarded as one of the all-time best and most skilful card games for just two players.
Pitch (4 players) - Derived from the old English game All Fours, this game has especially been popular in parts of the USA, and there are many variations. Typically played in partnerships, it begins with a bidding round after players each are dealt six cards, and bid for many of the following four items they think they will have at the end of a hand: High trump, trick with low trump, trick with Jack of trumps, and highest total point value.
Rook (4 players) - Rook is a terrific partnership trick taking game with bidding that was even published commercially under that name with a special deck. The aim is to win tricks with point cards (e.g. the Rook=Joker card is worth 20 points), rather than the maximum number of tricks. The highest bidder has choice of trump, and can exchange with the "nest/kitty" in order to improve their hand. Several good variations exist, and in parts of Canada one of them is played under the name 200 (in French: Deux Cents).
Schnapsen (2 players) - Popular in many parts of Europe, Schnapsen is the national card game of Austria, and is a classic trick-taking card game for two players with a long history, and allows for genuinely skilful and clever play. Played with a small deck, one of its peculiarities is how points are scored for "marriages" (King-Queen couples). For a comprehensive look at the difference between the closely related Sixty Six, and common Schnapsen rule variations, see here and here.
Skat (3 players) - This classic trick-taking game is the national card game of Germany. It features complex scoring and bidding, but is one of the best card games for three players. A similar game with simpler bidding and scoring rules is Schafkopf, which was been Americanized and popularized by immigrants to the USA as Sheepshead. Also related is the demanding Doppelkopf (i.e. Double Sheepshead).
Spades (4 players) - One of the better trick taking games for partnerships, and another classic after being invented and popularized in the USA in the 1930s. Spades are always the trumps, and players bid how many tricks they think they will win in advance. Although the bidding and scoring is not the easiest if you are new to trick-taking games, it is a game that allows for more skill than casual games like euchre.
Whist (4 players) - A simple but classic trick-taking card game from which many others are derived. Played in partnerships, there is no trump, and teams try to win the most tricks as they play out a full hand of 13 cards. Good variations include titles elsewhere on this list, like German Whist (2 players) and Knock Out Whist (3-7 players).

Non Trick-Taking Games

Trick taking games are arguably one of the most popular and common types of card games, which is why they were listed as a separate category. But there are certainly a large number of other fantastic card games as well. Most of the games listed in the "Social and Family Games" category were also non tricking-taking games, but the games listed below tend to be a little more thoughtful and involved.
Big Two (4 players) - Best with four players (although variants for 2-3 players exist), this along with President (which appears earlier on this list) represents one of the more accessible and well-known climbing games. With the climbing genre, the idea is to be the first player to get rid of all your cards, playing cards individually or in special combinations. For a slightly easier climbing game than Big Two, consider Tien Len, which is the national card game of Vietnam. One of the most popular climbing games of all times is Tichu, which was published commercially with a special deck.
Canasta (4 players) - A game that became extremely popular in the 1950s, Canasta uses two standard decks, and is best in two-player partnerships. It is a rummy style of game in which the aim is to make melds of seven cards of the same value, and "go out" by playing your entire hand. There are also several variants, such as the popular Hand and Foot.
Cassino (2-4 players) - This classic card game is a "fishing" game that has some parallels to the simpler Scopa (see earlier on this list), and the Anglo-American version is especially popular. Players capture face-up cards in a common pool by playing matching cards from their hand, either individually or a number of cards that adds to a total equalling the card played from hand. Unlike Scopa, players have more options, and can also build cards together for later, which adds a more tactical element.
Cribbage (2 players) - A classic card name based on card combinations worth points, with the aim of being first to 121 points, scored by pegging on a board. Players each get a hand of six cards, and must set aside two to a "crib" which will later score for one of the two players. Cards are played in turns, adding their values together until you reach or near 31, and then this is repeated. Players score for combinations like cards that add to 15, pairs/triples, or runs, and also score for their hand at the end. Despite the casual feel, there is considerable skill, and experienced players will consistently outperform novices. Requires decision making for selecting cards for the crib, and which order to play the cards in hand. Even children will enjoy finding the point scoring combinations, while the imbalance/asymmetry of each game turn makes it especially interesting.
Eleusis (4-8 players) - A modern card game simulating scientific research, as players ("scientists") conduct experiments to determine the rule governing play. Players try to get rid of cards by discarding them, but the "rule" that allows legal play is invented by the dealer and is unknown to the players, and they must try to figure out the rule by deducing it from legal plays. Rummy (2-6 players) - A classic card game, in which players draw and discard cards, trying to get "melds" that typically consist of sets of the same values or runs of consecutive values. Many variants exist, including Gin Rummy, which is an excellent game and appears later on this list, as well as some commercially published games like the Mystery Rummyseries. Contract Rummy (3-5 players) also developed from Rummy, and adds the complication that in each round players have to fulfil a different contract, which is a fixed combination of sets or runs, that they must have before they can meld. A version of Contract Rummy was published commercially under the name Phase Ten.
Nertz (2-6 players) - Also known as "Racing Demon" or "Pounce", Nertz is a competitive multi-player solitaire that is played in real time. The aim is to be the first to get rid of cards from your Nertz piles by building upwards on common foundations. It is basically the same game as the commercially available Ligretto/Dutch Blitz, but played with a standard deck.
Poker (2-10 players) - This is considered the ultimate bluffing game, and No Limit Texas Hold 'Em has been popularized with the help of television and local tournaments. Players "bet" chips on whether or not they have the best five card poker hand. Many say it is only fun when played for money, suggesting that the thrill is in the gambling rather than the game-play. Even if you do not play for money, you do have to approach the game semi-seriously for it to be fun, otherwise it is too easy for someone to play foolishly and hand another player the game. A must for those who enjoy bluffing.
Spite & Malice (2-5 players) - Also known as "Cat & Mouse", this is a competitive patience/solitaire game for two or more players that uses two decks, and is better known to most people under its commercially produced variation, Skip-Bo. Unlike Speed and Nertz, it is not played simultaneously in real time, because players take turns, but the overall concept is somewhat similar.
Zetema (2 players) - This is an obscure Victorian card game that revived in popularity as a result of Sid Sackson's A Gamut of Games. David Parlett recommends it as an out-of-the-ordinary card game that is "long and savory". It is played with a 65-card deck (52 cards plus an additional two through Ace in one suit), and each player's objective is to reach a certain number of points scored by discarding assemblies, completing tricks, setting up marriages, or revealing flushes and sequences. Also playable with four or six players in partnerships.

Recommendations

So where should you start? Hopefully some of the descriptions I have provided will intrigue you enough to give a particular game a shot, or look into it further. But often games will depend on who you are playing with, the number of players you have, and the kind of game you are looking for. So to help you branch out beyond the repertoire that you might already be familiar with, here are some recommendations for games that I especially suggest for different situations.
Are you looking for...
- a game for just two players? GOPS and Scopa are two simpler games that are quite rewarding. If you want a trick-taking game for just two, then Briscola and German Whist are both straight forward and good choices, while Le Truc is fantastic for those who like bluffing, and Schnapsen is worth the effort to learn if you enjoy skilful play. Cribbage and Gin Rummy are two non trick-taking classics that are every bit as good today as they have always been.
- a game for four-players in partnerships? There are several good trick-taking games to choose from in this category, and while the ever-popular Bridge is good, the learning curve can be steep. I recommend starting with a simpler game like Euchre or Whist, or else something that involves more skill, like 500, Rook, or Spades, which incorporate the fun of bidding and give opportunity for a winning bidder to strengthen their hand.
- a trick-taking game for an odd number of players? Ninety-Nine is the best trick-taker that plays with exactly three players. Hearts and Oh Hell can both handle various player counts, and are very good; if you enjoy bidding for how many tricks you think you will win then Oh Hell is an absolute must.
- a light social game for a larger group? Try the classic climbing game President, the almost brainless Ranter-Go-Round, or the frenzy of Spoons, all of which are easy to learn and don not require too much brain power. Blitzand Cheat are also good choices for fun social games that can work with more than four players.
- a game that is fast-paced? Try the craziness of two player Speed/Spit, or else ramp up the difficulty slightly with the frantic game-play of the popular Nertz, both of which have simultaneous real-time game-play. Egyptian Ratscrew also requires quick reactions and speed.
- a game that is unusual and out-of-the-ordinary? Try the logical deduction required by the clever and inventive Eleusis, or the long and savoury gameplay of Zetema.
- a game for older children? Most of the games in the "Social and Family Games" category will work, but fun games that I have had good success with in playing with children include Cheat, Fan Tan, Knock Out Whist (which also serves as a good introduction to trick-taking), Palace, Speed, and Spoons. If they can handle the scoring system, Scopa is definitely a rewarding game that older children can enjoy. GOPS produces an excellent head-to-head battle-of-wits for just two.
- a game for younger children? There's a number of classic and very simple games not included on this list, such as Beggar My Neighbour (2-3 players), Crazy Eights (2-7 players), Go Fish (2-6 players), Old Maid (2-12 players), Slap Jack (2-8 players), Snap (2-4 players), and War (2 players). Be aware that some games like Beggar My Neighbour and also War involve no decisions and are a matter of pure luck!
So dust off that deck of playing cards that is looking down expectantly at you from the shelf, invite over some family or friends, and get those playing cards to the table. Enjoy your deck and discover the fun that traditional card games have been bringing people around the world for centuries!

Join the discussion: Do you ever play traditional card games, i.e. using a standard deck? Which traditional card games do you play the most, and what is it that keeps you coming back to them? And what are your thoughts and experiences with some of the listed games?
Author's note: I first published this article at PlayingCardDecks.com here.
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